Sunday, November 15, 2009

Time for change

For the past 8 months I have been carrying around a lot of stress and fear. This was all I knew since being diagnosed with cancer. Now that treatment is over, and I have been declared cancer free for now, it has been hard to let the stress and fear go. My body is still tense. Fear still occupies my thoughts. It is time for a new way of thinking and I am finding it hard to get there despite the good news. I feel a need to purge these feelings out of my body. Like a drug addict, I need go through rid of all the feelings I have been keeping inside of me for a long time. It is time to relax and enjoy life again. I am trying to figure out how to do it, but have not yet succeeded.

I am working hard to place all of my trust in God to keep me cancer free. To completely understand that he gave me the gift of life again and that I can revel in that joy. To not be afraid that the cancer will come back. That is a fear I will probably have for quite some time until over time the tests continue to come back negative. I think I am now entering the hardest part of living with this disease.

I am excited to be able to celebrate the holidays! And it will be a big celebration with new meaning. I will cherish this time of year more than I ever have. I will be more thankful on Thanksgiving. And I will value the true meaning of Christmas. This weekend we are going to take a trip to Chicago as a family. We are going to spend much needed time enjoying each other and having fun together without the stress of cancer. Something that we have not been able to do for quite some time.

If you can, please continue to keep me in your prayers. I have always struggled with fear and I don't want to let the fear of the cancer coming back occupy my mind. I want to live with confidence that I will be OK. This is going to be a big challenge. And please pray that the biopsy in 4 weeks will come back clean again.

There is power in prayer. I am living proof. THANK YOU!!!!



Anonymous said...

Sue, have you ever looked into meditation? It is very calming and relaxing and if you can stick with it long enough, it can give you a feeling of real tranquility and peace. I don't always remember to take time for it, but when I do, it reminds me that God is with me and I am with Him, and all the things that happen in my life can be met with His love and grace on my side.

Your news lately has been such a roller coaster for you that you must have been really reeling, but it's time to make the fear disappear along with the cancer!! You know that everyone out here is praying for your peace of mind; it will come. Have a wonderful weekend in Chicago and enjoy every moment with your family. Think of all that good Chicago food that you couldn't even imagine eating a couple of months ago. Life is indeed a miracle!

Love, Bev

Anonymous said...

Sue, how about writing all your fears on pieces of paper and have a bon fire and burn your fears. It might be cleansing. I think of you often and pray the good news just keeps on coming your way. Looking forward to seeing everyone on the 28th. Have a wonderful time in Chicago. You all deserve this time together!

Love, Ruth L.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,
What a whirl wind of emotions you have endured! I cannot even fathom how emotionally "wrung out" you are. You were told in a weeks' time that you had cancer, didn't have cancer, had cancer and finally did not have cancer. I am celebrating with you over the last word- CANCER FREE! I am sure there is a lot of fear in the "what ifs". Allow yourself time to adjust now to trying to live a "normal life". I am sure as you get your strength back and become more like yourself again it will become more natural to you. As you have shared in your blog you also will never be like you were- cancer has opened your eyes and heart to amazing things and has taken you down a whole new path. God's light will shine on this path and will guide you as you continue on your journey of trusting in Him.

For now live in the 'Miracle of the Moment"- CANCER FREE!
This is an excerpt from Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Miracle of the Moment"

There's only ONE who knows
What's really out there waiting

In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know

To Him the future's history
And He has given us a treasure called RIGHT NOW
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
And let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go, let it go


Listen to your heartbeat

There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss


In my bible study today it said " Worship God and praise Him for what He has done, what He is doing, and what He will do for all who trust in Him. When we realize the glorious future that awaits us, we will find the strength to face our present difficulties."

Enjoy your trip to Chicago and try to live in the moment.

God's joy and peace,
Nikki :)

Anonymous said...

My pastor just recommended a book for all of us to read on Sunday by Max Lucado called Fearless. It is about living your life without fear. He was telling us that it was a book that really impacted the way he lives and is going to do a series on it in the spring. I picked up the book on Sunday to read at Barnes and Noble. I love so many of the Max Lucado books and perhaps it would be a great place to start for you. Just a thought. I will continue to pray for you and your family as you adjust to the "new" way of life and how this has impacted all of you in different ways.

In Christ,
Julie Dahl

Anonymous said...

These things will take time. You will be walking on eggshells for a while I am sure, but just keep focusing on today. Think back to how hard you prayed and wished to arrive where you are now. God is working, and remember the hurdles already behind you. And, if you want to avoid feeling lousy, don't watch the Gopher football team, that is pretty pathetic right now!


prashant said...

It might be cleansing. I think of you often and pray the good news just keeps on coming your way.

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