I am feeling so let down. I have prayed fervently. I have tried to remain optimistic. I have tried to be positive. I don't know what else to do...nothing seems to be helping. I am beginning to wonder when this will all end...when God will finally show me and my family mercy. So much for a fun summer. Not only has it been taken away from me again, but has been taken away from my kids, from my family. I can't do all of the fun things I wanted to do with Mackenzie and Kendall this summer. The stress from it all has finally gotten to Jason. He has been very quiet lately and I know it is because he is having hard time. We have no hope to cling to right now. Our options offer very little of it.
We have some hard decisions to make. There is definitely another hole. There are three options: 1) See if the hole will close on its own. More than likely it won't. 2) Have it surgically repaired with another flap of skin from my cheek. This means more scars, more disfigurement. I will have to live with two flaps on my face for quite sometime. And there is no guarantee this will work. There is a possibility of more holes forming. 3) Surgically removing all of the skin below my eye down to the bottom of my cheekbone and replace it with skin from my forearm. This is a very difficult surgery and recovery will be long and difficult. And again, there is no guarantee it will work. Either option does not seem like a good one.
I am going to take some time over the next couple of days to try and decide what to do. I could really use your prayers right now for wisdom, strength and most of all healing. Please pray for my family...this has been so hard of them. We all need to have a our lives back. Lives without stress, worry or health problems. We need a life of normalcy.
God where are you in all of this? We are feeling so abandoned. You are the almighty healer and have the power to fix this. I am asking you to have mercy on me, heal me and let this all be done. Please show us your love and peace over the next couple of weeks and give us some encouragement and hope. Lord, this is in your hands and I am trusting you to take care of me and my family.