Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Glitter in the Air

"I am tired of waiting, of being stuck. I need this to be over. Cancer patients and survivors do not have the liberty to waste time. Every second of every day is precious to us. We never know if tomorrow will be our last." These were the very words I said to my surgeon the week of my last surgery. I was desperate to start living my life with nothing holding me back...surgeries, hyperbaric treatments and doctor appointments. Monday was the first over a year and a half, that I was finally able to start living my life again, savoring every moment without treatments or doctor obligations and to start looking forward and not back. It was a GREAT feeling.

Since then, I have been been waking up every morning with excitement wondering how I am going to live out my day. What am I going to accomplish? It is all up to me and nobody else to decide what I am going to do. I am able to start saying "yes" to opportunities that I have said "no" to for many months. I am gratefully reassuming my role as mom, wife and friend and no longer being defined as a cancer patient. I cherish small moments like having a cup of coffee in the morning, taking in the beauty of Fall, listening to my kids laugh and play and holding hands with longer will I take these moments for granted like I did in the past.

This is what life is all about. Appreciating every moment and every experience given to you. Understanding that life's ups and downs define who you are and make you glad to be alive. It is about loving others and being loved back. And most important, it is knowing that God is in control and to trust him wholeheartedly with your life.

So far the surgery was a success. My skin has stayed in tact and no new holes seem to be forming. The infections are almost gone. I have an appointment with my Surgical Oncologist on Monday. I most likely will be discussing options, if there are any, on how to fix my face. This includes getting my teeth fixed. In the meantime, I am taking time to heal and learning to accept my face and the way I look. It gets easier every day.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. You have all touched my life in more ways than you will every know.



Farmgirl Paints said...

Oh this post is so full of hope and joy. I can see the cloud lifting. So happy for you to start living again. God is so good!

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful post to read, Sue! We'll continue to pray, and I hope this is the best fall ever for you and your famil!

shawna said...

i am so proud of your strength as a woman sue. i almost always cry when i hear this song and along with reading your blog post today, i most certainly am crying. :) much love to you, i'm so happy you can throw some glitter in the air after this long, long fight! god bless you!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Sue. You are taking control of your life and not allowing cancer to define who you are. You have come a long way in your healing, physically and mostly mentally. I am incredibly proud of you!

Susan Thomas

Anonymous said...

Sue, Hallelujah!!!! We've known you would get to this point, so this is a wonderful post!!! You have persevered and made it.I am so excited for your future and enjoying all these wonderful moments. Your writing about enjoying a cup of coffee and watching the leaves makes me want to stop my own hectic schedule and enjoy these simple things!!! Thank you...please pray for our Jack (our 10 year old you carried in the baby sling at your wedding!) as we get a 2nd opinion on his hearing implant and infections he is continually having, on Tuesday. Have a wonderful week! Kari Karrmann Sides

Anonymous said...

Dear Sue,

You (and your family) have come through the worst (well, maybe second-worst) storm of your life and emerged on the other side! How proud we all are of your amazing courage and grace and human-ness! Do you realize how much stronger and grace-filled you are now? You are an example all of us can aspire toward.

Thank you for sharing this journey with all of us, and I pray that the journey ahead is filled with only sunshine and good things now for the rest of your life!

With love and prayers for you and Jason and your dear daughters,

Bev Johansen