"I am tired of waiting, of being stuck. I need this to be over. Cancer patients and survivors do not have the liberty to waste time. Every second of every day is precious to us. We never know if tomorrow will be our last." These were the very words I said to my surgeon the week of my last surgery. I was desperate to start living my life with nothing holding me back...surgeries, hyperbaric treatments and doctor appointments. Monday was the first day...in over a year and a half, that I was finally able to start living my life again, savoring every moment without treatments or doctor obligations and to start looking forward and not back. It was a GREAT feeling.
Since then, I have been been waking up every morning with excitement wondering how I am going to live out my day. What am I going to accomplish? It is all up to me and nobody else to decide what I am going to do. I am able to start saying "yes" to opportunities that I have said "no" to for many months. I am gratefully reassuming my role as mom, wife and friend and no longer being defined as a cancer patient. I cherish small moments like having a cup of coffee in the morning, taking in the beauty of Fall, listening to my kids laugh and play and holding hands with Jason....no longer will I take these moments for granted like I did in the past.
This is what life is all about. Appreciating every moment and every experience given to you. Understanding that life's ups and downs define who you are and make you glad to be alive. It is about loving others and being loved back. And most important, it is knowing that God is in control and to trust him wholeheartedly with your life.
So far the surgery was a success. My skin has stayed in tact and no new holes seem to be forming. The infections are almost gone. I have an appointment with my Surgical Oncologist on Monday. I most likely will be discussing options, if there are any, on how to fix my face. This includes getting my teeth fixed. In the meantime, I am taking time to heal and learning to accept my face and the way I look. It gets easier every day.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. You have all touched my life in more ways than you will every know.