It is official...I am ready to move on in my life. For so long I felt I was unable to move ahead...to look towards the future. I am now ready to start making plans and live my life again. I have started to clean the house and rid of the things that remind me of cancer. The things that I have been collecting over this past year. Every time I look at them I am reminded of how I felt and how sick I was. NO MORE! I am so done with feeling like that.
There are a few more things I need to do to get rid of these reminders: 1) get rid of the medications that I am no longer taking piled high in my bedroom 2) get our bedding dry cleaned as it is filled with medication and food spells as a result of spending a lot of time in bed 3) tear down the many lists with instructions for our parents posted on our refrigerator 4) get rid of the medical supplies and needle dispensers that are taking up room in my kitchen cupboards. I am going to get rid of all of the evidence that someone very sick was living in this house!!!
Now, I just need to finish healing. Is is so hard waiting for this to happen when I am so ready to move on with my life. It has been hard to be patient. But it will take time...I still have a ways to go. Because of the radiation and chemo the healing process will take longer. My body is unable to heal fast. This past week has been frustrating as I developed an infection in my face. It caused a lot of swelling and pain. Taking a step back in the healing process is not the direction I want to take. But after being on antibiotics for a few days I am starting to feel better again. Hopefully this is just a little hump I need to get over. Because of this setback I have had a few moments of panic. I started to feel uneasy about whether or not the cancer is really gone. I was having anxiety about future scans. I found myself having to check my trust in God and continue to believe in what God has and will accomplish in my healing.
I am still going stir crazy in this house. Luckily Mackenzie's teacher has sent me many projects to work on. Many of you have come up with some wonderful ideas to occupy my time. Keep them coming! I have used many of the ideas. The only times I get out of this house are going to doctor appointments. However, I did brave going into to Target the other day. I did get a lot of looks and stares, but it didn't bother me too much.
Please continue to pray!