Boing, Boing, Boing, Boing...this is the sound of me bouncing off the walls in my house. I am going crazy with boredom. I am trying to keep myself occupied as much as possible, but it is hard when my mobility is limited. There is only so much time that one can spend online, watching the TV or playing the Wii.
Recovery from the surgery has been difficult. I am not seeing any progress with the swelling in my face. It doesn't seem to want to go away. Every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror I get so discouraged and typically break down crying. Never before have I felt so ugly and unfeminine. I want my hair back. I want my face back. I want so badly to feel normal again. I want to feel pretty again. I want to run again. I am losing my patience. This is much harder than chemotherapy and radiation. Maybe it is because it has been a long year and I am at the end of my rope.
The only upside to my recovery is that the doctors have allowed me to start eating and drinking again. I am limited to soft foods that don't require a lot of chewing. The bone they used to reconstruct my face is still healing so chewing would not be good. As you probably expected, the first thing I did when I got home from my doctor appointment was have a Dr. Pepper. It was heavenly. This week, they will be removing the feeding tube out of my nose. This will make eating so much easier. Plus it will be so nice to no longer have a tube stitched into the inside of my nostril and hanging down the side of my face. Just one step closer to feeling that normalcy again.
This week I do have some important events taking place that will bring much needed joy in my life. This week I will be celebrating the birthdays of my sweet girls Mackenzie and Kendall. Kendall will be turning 6 on Wednesday and Mackenzie will be turning 9 on Friday. I feel so bad that I will not be able to plan a party for the girls to celebrate their birthdays this year with their friends. But, we will do what we can to celebrate their special days with them. I will also be celebrating my 10 year wedding anniversary with Jason. It has been an amazing 10 years. We have definitely faced a lot of challenges in our lives together, but it has brought us closer and forced us to make God the center of our marriage. I am so blessed to have Jason in my life. He is an amazing husband and father. God definitely knew what he was doing when he brought us together. I don't think I could have found a better partner to take on the challenges we have faced.
The other day I received a card from a family relative with this verse:
"For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee, saith the Lord." Jeremiah 20:17
It was a wonderful reminder of God's promise to me that he will heal me. The process just hasn't been completed yet. It will take time and I do need to be patient. When I get frustrated and discouraged, I need to keep my eyes focused on him and remember everything he has accomplished in me so far. This is so hard for me to do right now, but I am trying. I just need to give him more time.
Please keep the prayers coming!