Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Perfect Day

Today is the turnover of parents. My parents are heading home and Jason's parents are coming later on today. So thankful we have them to help us out. Tomorrow my parents are heading to Florida for the rest of the winter. Typically we join them in a few weeks and spend some time at DisneyWorld. But not this year. So I am jealous to see them go. The one thing that gives me something to look forward to is the summer at the cabin. It is not too far away and I look forward to spending time on the lake...my favorite place to be. What a perfect day cruising on the boat on a warm Summer's day?

Hmmm...I wonder if waterskiing is no longer an option? If I were to take an bad spill, how would my reconstructed face hold up? I never thought about that. I may have to stick to waterski instructor for the family members that want to learn. I do wonder about these little things and how my life will be different. What precautions will I have to take? My leg is so mutilated from the surgery I wonder if I will ever be able to run long distances again? I wonder...

Recovery has been slow. Although, my family members that saw me immediately after surgery say the difference in swelling from then until now is a HUGE improvement. Since I didn't look at my face until I got home, I don't know what they are talking about. I just know what I see every morning I look in the mirror...an extremely swollen face and neck that doesn't seem to improve at all. It is so hard to be patient. I know this is going to take a lot of time. But I just want to feel normal again and resume life as we knew it. There are mornings I wake up in tears because it is so frustrating. I feel so ugly.

What I really could use right now is a Dr. Pepper and a pizza...no chicken chimichangas from Rey Azteca...or how about a hamburger from Tony's malt shop...no no...my mom's spaghetti with garlic bread. I cannot wait until I can start eating by mouth again. Tomorrow I have a doctor appointment and I am hoping and praying that she will let me start eating again. I am sure I will have to start slow and with soft foods, but I will take anything at this point. Getting fed through a tube in your nose just isn't satisfying enough. I am in a constant state of hunger. Last night I laid awake at 2:30 AM hungry and thinking about all the foods I would like to eat. There are times that I instinctly go to the refrigerator to find something to eat and catch myself.

I am going crazy being cooped up in this house! I really can't go anywhere looking the way I do and moving around the way I do. I am thankful recovery is taking place in the winter, but there are days I wish I could go sit out on our deck and soak up some sun. I need to find a hobby or project to work on to occupy my time. I need to think about that one.

Again, I thank you all for the prayers, cards, and words of encouragement. Please keep them coming. Please pray for the healing process to be quick and that the swelling in my face will start to go down. Pray that the tissue transplant in my mouth will heal quickly so that I can start eating again. And pray for the sanity of my family. It is stressful at times in our house. Jason is running around like a madman trying to take care of me, the house, the kids...everything. I don't know how much longer he is going to last. He is my hero, my angel, my wonderful husband. I don't know what I would do without him.

Blessings,
Sue

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sue - heard about your blog/cancer through your cousin here in Michigan. It is such joy to hear the "joy" in your voice come through this post. You don't know me but I have been praying for you. I know you have some more ground to cover but thankful for you that you are doing so well and the cancer is gone. Praising and thanking the Lord in Michigan!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Sue-

It is good to hear you talking about the future, good to have things to look forward to and hear your desire to do them!

I remember when my brother was sick and could no longer eat solid food, he said that was the hardest thing. I will pray that you heal quickly and can get on with chewing on something : )

Jason must be a saint! Praying for all of you!

Missy

Anonymous said...

I have been thinking of you all week! I am so glad you updated today. If you ever want me to come and hang with you, I will! You just sound like you are getting better all of the time. We will keep praying for you! I definitely can't wait to see you at Zorbaz eating your own personal pizza!!

Joan

Anonymous said...

Thanks for another update Sue. We've been wondering how you guys are holding up over there. If you are going crazy and need to get out of the house but don't want to go out in public, come on over to my house. I could pick you up for an outing.:)Let me know once you get clearance on eating food and we should make a run to Sonic to celebrate!!! :) I'll pray for more good news from your Dr. appt. tomorrow. Give Jason and the girls a hug!

Love ya, Michelle, Steve & girls

Anonymous said...

Special prayers to you for quick steady healing and to Jason for energy to continue nurturing you and the girls. You write so wonderfully, Sue, that inspires us in our own daily lives with your fortitude, faith, willingness to express raw emotion and feelings, and encourage others even when you need encouragement way more than we do.

Blessings to you.

Jeff Stewart

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,
Thanks for keeping us updated. I am always wondering how you are doing. I cannot even imagine how hard it is to be stuck in the "waiting room"... waiting to eat again, waiting to walk and run again, waiting for your face to heal, waiting to be able to go outside, to go shopping, to do whatever... whenever. Hang in there... that day IS coming.
I was reading this great devotional by Nancy Guthrie that I would like to share with you called Keeping Our Eyes on Jesus. "Let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish." Heb. 12:1-2
It goes on to say" when running the race don't look inward- it will discourage you. If you spend all your time and energy focused on your own resources or lack thereof, distracted by your own issues or your own limitations, you will become completely discouraged-perhaps to the point of simply quitting the race. It also said don't look back- it will delay you. If you look back longingly at the way things used to be, you will not be prepared for the future God has for you. It can be hard to for us to leave behind the comfortable and familiar. Most of us don't like change. But do you really want to keep wasting time where you are, or do you want to move forward with God? Determine to persevere, and don't look back.
If we don't look around or inside or behind us, where do we look? We look up to Jesus. Putting your focus on Jesus puts everything in proper perspective. When you keep your eyes on Jesus, you won't stumble or become distracted. You will find the energy and example you need to run this race of faith. He will become your sole aim and sole source. "
She ends with this beautiful prayer that I am praying for you.
"Jesus, my eyes are on you as I run this race of faith. I see in your example what it looks like to persevere and stay faithful even in hardship. You are who I am aiming for and my source of strength for getting there."
Sue- you are in the home stretch and I know that there is nothing too great for God's power and nothing too small for His love. He will finish this race with you Sue!

On a side note, for keeping busy, sometimes primary teachers need help and will send home things to be cut, traced, assembled etc.,.
or have you ever made the fleece blankets that you tie. I know how to make them if you would want to learn. You could make some and
give them as gifts to those in the hospitals. There is a lot of fun fleece patterns out there.
It is also okay just to take it easy and heal. So please listen to your body and don't rush into anything.

Love,
Nikki

Mark & Monica said...

I've got a great project for you Sue. Could you come to my house and do scrapbooks for all my kids? I'm WAAAAAY behind. :) I don't know why your latest blog made me laugh, but it did. We've all been praying for you over here!!! Love, Monica K.

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