Today is the turnover of parents. My parents are heading home and Jason's parents are coming later on today. So thankful we have them to help us out. Tomorrow my parents are heading to Florida for the rest of the winter. Typically we join them in a few weeks and spend some time at DisneyWorld. But not this year. So I am jealous to see them go. The one thing that gives me something to look forward to is the summer at the cabin. It is not too far away and I look forward to spending time on the lake...my favorite place to be. What a perfect day cruising on the boat on a warm Summer's day?
Hmmm...I wonder if waterskiing is no longer an option? If I were to take an bad spill, how would my reconstructed face hold up? I never thought about that. I may have to stick to waterski instructor for the family members that want to learn. I do wonder about these little things and how my life will be different. What precautions will I have to take? My leg is so mutilated from the surgery I wonder if I will ever be able to run long distances again? I wonder...
Recovery has been slow. Although, my family members that saw me immediately after surgery say the difference in swelling from then until now is a HUGE improvement. Since I didn't look at my face until I got home, I don't know what they are talking about. I just know what I see every morning I look in the mirror...an extremely swollen face and neck that doesn't seem to improve at all. It is so hard to be patient. I know this is going to take a lot of time. But I just want to feel normal again and resume life as we knew it. There are mornings I wake up in tears because it is so frustrating. I feel so ugly.
What I really could use right now is a Dr. Pepper and a pizza...no chicken chimichangas from Rey Azteca...or how about a hamburger from Tony's malt shop...no no...my mom's spaghetti with garlic bread. I cannot wait until I can start eating by mouth again. Tomorrow I have a doctor appointment and I am hoping and praying that she will let me start eating again. I am sure I will have to start slow and with soft foods, but I will take anything at this point. Getting fed through a tube in your nose just isn't satisfying enough. I am in a constant state of hunger. Last night I laid awake at 2:30 AM hungry and thinking about all the foods I would like to eat. There are times that I instinctly go to the refrigerator to find something to eat and catch myself.
I am going crazy being cooped up in this house! I really can't go anywhere looking the way I do and moving around the way I do. I am thankful recovery is taking place in the winter, but there are days I wish I could go sit out on our deck and soak up some sun. I need to find a hobby or project to work on to occupy my time. I need to think about that one.
Again, I thank you all for the prayers, cards, and words of encouragement. Please keep them coming. Please pray for the healing process to be quick and that the swelling in my face will start to go down. Pray that the tissue transplant in my mouth will heal quickly so that I can start eating again. And pray for the sanity of my family. It is stressful at times in our house. Jason is running around like a madman trying to take care of me, the house, the kids...everything. I don't know how much longer he is going to last. He is my hero, my angel, my wonderful husband. I don't know what I would do without him.