Saturday, January 23, 2010

Home Sweet Home

I am finally home! It was so great sleeping in my own bed last night. And to be able to sleep without interruption was great as well. Although, I do find myself missing the company of the nurses and staff that were in and out of my room at the hospital. I had developed some good friendships with the nurses..they truly are a gift from heaven. I have been sitting upstairs in my room all day. It has been quite lonely. I do have little faces peeking in and out of my room every now and then. But mom is too boring for them right now. Plus, I think they are still trying to get used to my new look. I finally convinced Mackenzie to sit in bed with me to watch a movie. We are watching Evens Stevens on the Disney Channel for the 20th time. It is funny how kids can watch a movie over and over and not care how many times they have seen it.

Today, Jason and I are trying to figure out a schedule for my medical needs. So many medications, drip feedings to give and wound care to be done. On top of that, I am trying to figure out a way to maneuver myself around the bedroom with the use of the walker. My leg is still in a lot of pain. And after seeing the wound and stitches on it the other day I can understand why. I am glad I am not the one to do the dressing changes. Jason has definitely taken on a temporary career of home care nurse. He is running around the house like a mad man trying to help with me and the kids. Hopefully when I can get around more on my own I can relieve some of the stress he has right now trying to take care of me.

I finally took a look at my face in the mirror last night. I was shocked at how swollen it is. I just started crying. I can't even explain to you how it felt. Just very scarey and overwhelming. The stitch line looks great and I am sure it will be unnoticeable once all healing is completed.

What I wouldn't give right now to have a Sonic Burger and a Dr. Pepper. I am so tired of not being able to eat. I am hoping I will be able to start eating again soon. The roof of my mouth has been difficult to get used to. It is swollen and feels extremely funny. I can feel the tissue and the skin graft that was taken from my leg. The teeth are also missing, but knowing I will be able to get those replaced helps me deal with it. I am about ready to yank out the feeding tube in my nose. It is a big pain the butt.

The one thing that has been so wonderful is not having to worry about "cancer" anymore. I no longer have it weighing on my mind knowing it is gone!!! What a great feeling. Yes, I do have a little anxiety about future scans and tests. But I am feeling a lot more at peace now.

If we could push ajar the gates of life,
And stand within, and all God's working see,
We might interpret all this doubt and strife,
And for each mystery could find a key.

But not today. Be content dear heart;
God's plans, like lillies pure and white, unfold.
We must not tear the close-shut leaves part,
Time will someday reveal the blooms of Gold.

And if, through patient toil, we reach the land,
With tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,
When we shall clearly know and understand,
I think we will say, "God knew best."

Last night, I was overcome by a huge feeling gratefulness. I just wanted to get on my knees to praise God for the miracle he has given to me. The surgery had the best possible outcome. The incision was minimal, my eye was saved and the cancer is gone. What a tremendous gift and experience God has given to me. And I have come to firmly believe that through it all, God knew best.


Anonymous said...

That is so awesome, Sue! You are such an inspiration. I wish you a speedy recovery and am so thankful that the surgery was successful and that you have a huge support system. We love you and continue to keep you in our thoughts and prayers!

Kellee Ablard

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue -

I'm so, so happy for you and all the loved ones in your life. I do beleive we are all put through tests in our lives, some to different degrees in than others. Yours has been difficult and I say that from a standpoint 60 miles away, listening to you pour your heart out! I can't imagine really what has all gone on with you and everyone in your life. What a great family and husband you must have! You are all very inspiring and that is something you have given everyone through your "test"! It is also so good to hear you have reached the other side and now, looking back (somewhat) you are able to see the path you have been on and where you are now.....alive!
Big hugs to you and everyone in your house! Keep on healing!


Sabrina said...

That is one of my favorite poems! I always find comfort in it when I read it!! It sounds like you do too!
Praying for you!

Anonymous said...

To God be the glory for the great things He has done in your life! May you continue to heal and find true peace in knowing that our Lord has worked miracles through your doctors and nurses!!!!! I'd love to have a Sonic burger and a Dr. Pepper with you soon, Sue!

Julie Dahl

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that you are now home and on your way to a full recovery. I admire you for your truthfulness and faith in your blogs. You have been such an inspiration to me through this. I love you and am so thankful for your life and the miracle that has taken place.
Aunt Maryann

Anonymous said...

Dear Sue,
Quick recovery now. We are very happy that you are doing well and you are able to be home.

God Bless you !

Anonymous said...

Oh Sue we are so grateful to God right along with you!! I am so glad you felt our prayers and God's presence during this whole process. All praise to his precious name!!! As I was doing my bible study homework this past week (which is on Ephesians)I came across this definition of Hope: Not the mood of the one who hopes, but the content of a sure expectation. We had to be content trusting God & knowing he was holding you in his hands this entire time and would you bring you through this better and stronger, and he has! What would we do without hope!? I miss you and can't wait to see you!

Michelle, Steve & girls

Anonymous said...


I'm so happy for you. To be home, to have your eyes, to be cancer free!! What wonderful news. Lots of love to you, Jason, and the girls.


Anonymous said...

So wonderful to hear you praising God for all the blessing He has sent your way during this surgery! So many are praising Him right along with you! Also glad to see you still can find a little humor in it all... I chuckled when you wrote the feeding tube in your NOSE was a pain in the BUTT! haha! :o)