Today's meetings did not give me the hope I was looking for. In fact, I walked away more scared and discouraged. Each of the doctors gave me the worst case scenario which did not help my confidence level. I walked away saying, "Forget it, I am NOT doing this surgery." I cried almost the whole way home. Jason was very silent. He had a hard time finding the words to say to make things better. I am going to spare you the gory details, but let's just say that I will not be leaving this house should the worst case scenarios happen. It ain't going to be pretty.
I am needing some hope and encouragement more so now than ever. I honestly don't think I can do this. How can I subject myself to such pain and suffering with no guarantee that this cancer will be gone after the surgery? But what choice do I have? Last night, I laid awake for hours thinking about the what ifs. I am falling apart. I need a miracle here. I think it is going to take one to get through this.
The surgeons will have a lot of decisions to make once they get into the sinus cavity. I definitely would not want to be in their shoes. So I am asking you to pray for God to give them the wisdom to make the best decision possible. And please pray that the worst case scenarios will not happen. That the surgery will be as minimally invasive as possible.
I am going to need a supernatural strength to get through these next couple of days and the morning of the surgery. Pray God will give me the strength to face this. I need some comfort. I need hope. I need to believe!
Praying that tomorrow will be a brighter day.