Monday, January 11, 2010

Not a good day

Today's meetings did not give me the hope I was looking for. In fact, I walked away more scared and discouraged. Each of the doctors gave me the worst case scenario which did not help my confidence level. I walked away saying, "Forget it, I am NOT doing this surgery." I cried almost the whole way home. Jason was very silent. He had a hard time finding the words to say to make things better. I am going to spare you the gory details, but let's just say that I will not be leaving this house should the worst case scenarios happen. It ain't going to be pretty.

I am needing some hope and encouragement more so now than ever. I honestly don't think I can do this. How can I subject myself to such pain and suffering with no guarantee that this cancer will be gone after the surgery? But what choice do I have? Last night, I laid awake for hours thinking about the what ifs. I am falling apart. I need a miracle here. I think it is going to take one to get through this.

The surgeons will have a lot of decisions to make once they get into the sinus cavity. I definitely would not want to be in their shoes. So I am asking you to pray for God to give them the wisdom to make the best decision possible. And please pray that the worst case scenarios will not happen. That the surgery will be as minimally invasive as possible.

I am going to need a supernatural strength to get through these next couple of days and the morning of the surgery. Pray God will give me the strength to face this. I need some comfort. I need hope. I need to believe!

Praying that tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Love,
Sue

28 comments:

cindylbarber said...

Sue,
Just know that we are holding you up in our prayers every day. You are a strong and courageous women of God and you are going to get through this!! Tomorrow will be a brighter day and many more to come.
Sending you a big hug and lots of love!!!
XOXO
Cindy

Anonymous said...

You are so close Sue. You simply cannot give up now. And you do have a choice. It's hard to think of but you do have a choice. Fortunately for all your family and friends you have chosen to fight this battle all out. You are much stonger than you give yourself credit for. You have so many people praying for you, sending you positive energy and thinking of you constantly. Draw on that energy, draw on those prayers, draw on those thoughts and know that we are all walking right next to you. You can do this. Believe Sue, you will get through this!!!

Believe.

Susan Thomas

Anonymous said...

Dear Sue,

You are courageous and beautiful! You have often been in my thoughts and prayers. I will be praying for you more passionately than ever this entire week (as so many others are).

As I drive to MN to watch Cheri's kids so she can keep vigil during your surgery, I'll be singing songs of supplication on your behalf, too.

I'm not sure what words might bless you in this present moment. But, perhaps this quote will bring some form of comfort and peace.

"And I said to the one who stood at the gate of the year, "Give me a light that I may tread safely into the Unknown." And he replied, "Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way."
- Minnie Haskins

I know God will have your hand, Sue. And, I trust - with you - in his love and care for you.

With much love,

Sal

Anonymous said...

Susan,
You are a very courageous woman. While we have never met, I have prayed for you and will continue to do so. I will also give thanks for doctors who care and who genuinely care about their patients - I believe those are your doctors. Be strong in your faith and allow those around you to envelope you in love.

Jeremy, Michelle, and Girls said...

Sue,
You are strong, even though you may not feel it now. You have an army of friends, family, and even strangers praying for you every minute of every day. I believe in the power of prayer and I know that you do as well. Believe in your doctors Sue. They have made the right decisions for you so far. They will continue to do so on Thursday. This battle is not over, but I believe there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Brighter days are ahead Sue! Sending you all my love!

-Michelle E.

Anonymous said...

We are praying for you Sue! Know that we will be sending you prayers &support all day long. We Love You! Stay strong in your faith it will pull you through!

Hugs & Prayers,

Tracy Crumpton

Anonymous said...

Sue,
You are strong and have faced these trials with such courage. Don't give up hope that you will be healed. There are so many out there who are praying for you. You will come through this and I know you will be well. I will also pray for wisdom for the doctors and all who will be taking care of you.
Love
Maryann Raese

Anonymous said...

Sending you lots and lots of strength to do what you need to do....DANCE!!! Just like the song....DANCE.

Prayers coming your way. You can do this. Keep that chin up!

Hugs

Kathy Cowan

The O'Briens said...

Nothing profound to say, other than we are praying all of those things for you like hope, courage, peace and strength along with brighter days ahead.

Heavenly Father, please give Sue the desires of her heart. We know that you love her. Please comfort her in a way that none of us can.

~Amen

Anonymous said...

Sue,
I cannot imagine the weight on your shoulders right now and all of the unanswered questions and what ifs. I do believe in a God who already knows the outcome, and I know you do too. The gap is wide right now Sue, but we will fill it with prayer. Not one of us can understand your inner turmoil. But I believe in a God who feels your pain, and I know you do too.

You are beautiful now and you will ALWAYS be beautiful. You CAN do this.

Anonymous said...

Sue,

We continue to pray for you and you can count on us to keep praying. I pray that you can keep the faces of Jason, MacKenzie, and Kendall in your mind, your mom and dad, Jason's mom and dad, your sister, your best friends, and all those that you love. These are the people you continue to fight for. These are the people who love you unconditionally and will be there whatever the results of the surgery.
God will use this extreme trial one way or another, and I just pray that you can feel all the love and support sent your way. You are an inspiration to so many even when you don't feel like it.

Love and prayers,
Dani

Anonymous said...

Sue,

We have prayed for you and wept for you and rejoiced with you through your journey so far. Rely on the Lord 100% from here on, and on the love of your friends and family, and let Him carry you supernaturally. My verse that I have claimed for 30+ years since becoming a Christian at 19 is Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I couldn't go through what you are facing on my own strength. I pray that Christ's strength will be sufficient for you, and that His comfort and peace will take you through the days ahead.

Jeff (and Cindi) Stewart

Anonymous said...

Sue,

You are in inspiration and continue to be even in your moments of fear and doubt. I continue to pray for you daily and believe you will and can make it through this with God by your side every second of the day. A song of encouragement that I hope helps a litte. Kutless- "What Faith Can Do". God has worked many miracles in your life already and he is not done working with you still.

God bless you as so many have been blessed by you!

Your Friend in AZ.

Anonymous said...

I am a friend of one of your neighbors. I have been following your blog- and have been praying for you. Your courage is inspiring. We all have so much to be thankful for- and you remind us of that. I will be praying for the healing hands of God to be with you and your Dr's during your surgery.

Anonymous said...

Sue - you can do it and I know you can - I have seen you take on challenges that felt out of your zone and succeeded beautifully - God is going to be there with you every moment of the journey. Worst case is worst case and it is NOT going to be yours. Focus on the hope there is and fight for it - I know you can do it. We love you and have you front and center in our conversations with God. Keep the faith Sue - you will be an amazing survivor.

Anonymous said...

Oops - above post is from Heather Teskey

Anonymous said...

Sue, I pray for you many many times a day. Walking out the door thursday will be hard . I think not knowing is harder. I worry more thinking about the next step in the healing process of cancer then actually going through it. but everybody is different. My prayer for you is God's peace and healing. Know you are covered with prayer. I love you! Pat J

Anonymous said...

We are praying for you and love you Sue. We are also praying for Jason and the girls. Nothing can overtake you because you are standing on the Rock.

The Robertsons

Anonymous said...

Sue,

The best hope and peace I can offer you are words from the Bible. First, Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God is still with you even during this terribly difficult time, you still have a future, God is working for your good, even if it doesn't seem that way right now.

Also, remember God is Almighty and All powerful. Bring all of your requests and prayers to him, and yes you're right, BELIEVE before you ask that God will grant your request. Ephesians 4:20-21 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever!" Also, Psalm 21:1-2 "O Lord the king rejoices in your strength. How great is his joy in the victories you give. You have granted him the desire of his heart and not withheld the request of his lips." God is able to do anything you ask, he will give you the desires of your heart, and he will do more than you could imagine. Remember...you have to believe him, believe his promises. You have one more huge hurdle to get over, healing will come, God will be with you. You have many many people praying for you. My mother-in-law is a survivor of breast cancer and she gave your name to a group of nuns in North Dakota who are also praying for you. God loves you, you still have a future, a GOOD future, God has a plan for you, this is all part of God's plan. Philipians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Also, 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 "Therefore do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." So, don't lose heart, you have a crown of jewels waiting for you at the end of all of this. God is with you, our prayers are with you. You will be ok, God has already promised you that, it's in his word.
I promise to always pray for you,
Andrea Wackerfuss

Anonymous said...

Sue:

Beauty is in the soul, not the face, and you have shown us all the true meaning of "beautiful."

Dear Lord:
My prayer to you this week is simple: Sue. Protect her, help her, guide her, love her...cure her. Amen.

Love and prayers,
Gwen Maass

Anonymous said...

Dear Sue,
Your road may be a little bumpy now but look at your final destination where you will be the winner! Take deep breaths in and Let the Hand of God take you through your journey of healing. When this bad storm goes away and you get well I promise to you and to your family I will take you to a beautiful dance floor and we will celebrate altogether dancing. Your in-laws have seen this space and they do love it and I know you will also too. When my heart hurts I put on my favorite tunes and dance my worries away.
We wish you all our luck.
May God Bless you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sue,
We are praying for you,as we have since your diagnosis) that your surgery will be successful and once again good health will return. You have been on a long dark journey but that silver lining is about to shine through. Our church (3,700 members) are praying for you tomorrow and our sweet Jewish neighbors said you will be remember in their prayers and a Catholic family has you on their prayer list. So we've got you covered in prayer and love and we hope that gives you and your family strength. Your faith is so strong and it will gently carry you through. When our son-in-law went through brain cancer he loved to read Psalm 23 as it gave him great comfort,we hope that it will do the same for you. Please rest knowing that many prayers are being said for you and your family. May you all find peace and comfort with God at your side. God's blessings and ours,
Marlene & Frank

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue-love your wallpaper on your blog! I think you came upon a huge spiritual lesson. Our insufficiency, His sufficiency. I think you are absolutely right when you say : "I don't think i can do this" getting to the point where we say in my own strength i am insufficient. His strength is sufficient. My insufficiency, His sufficiency, So lean in, press in, and surrender trying to do this in your strength, cuz we can't, at least not very well. I don't know ya, but i luv ya and am lifting, wrapping, & loving you, your sister, your husband and kiddos through prayer. hugs, liz wutzke

Jen Zick said...

Sue - He who lives in you is MIGHTY to save! When you don't have the strength to carry on, He will carry you! I am praying that his grace, mercy and peace will surround you and carry you through all that lies ahead, and that he will provide wisdom to your medical team, and cover you with his healing hand before/during/after surgery. There are GOOD things in store for you! Sending hugs...

Anonymous said...

Sue, I have read your blog often and dont know that've posted and am embarassed that I havent. I pray for you every day when i'm out on my run and will pray for you the entire time thursday am. XXOO...dont forget to give satan a big BITE ME when he's trying to bring you down. He doesnt get to win. EVER. EVER. Joy Schwarting

Anonymous said...

Thinking and praying for you - the Galleger's

Anonymous said...

Precious Sue,

I am just reading your blog for the first time. Thank you. Though I have not had the opportunity to meet you, I do feel as if I know you... Thank you for being so open and real! Please know that you and your family are being lifted in prayer, as are your medical team...

May you also be encouraged...
"But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head." Psalm 3:3 (NIV)
"You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." Psalm 18:28 (NIV)
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust." Psalm 56:3-4a (NIV)
"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:8 (NIV)
"Your ways, O God, are holy. What God is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples." Psalm 77:13-14 (NIV)

Lifting you in prayer and expecting miracles...
With much love, Joy Watts

Anonymous said...

Dear Sue,

Please know that you are in our family's thoughts and prayers, and know that there are more people than you could ever imagine following your journey, and hoping and praying for you! You have positively impacted my life in more ways than I could ever imagine, and I wish you the very best.

God bless you and your family, and we will continue praying for all of you every step of the way.

With all my heart and God's blessings to you,

John Gyurci (and family)