"On the girl's brown legs, there were many small white scars. I was thinking, do those scars cover the whole of you, like the stars and the moons on your dress? I thought that would be pretty too, and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived." - From the book Little Bee
Like the little girl, my scars cover the whole of me. From head to toe, I am covered with scars representing my battle with cancer. Scars on my face, scars on my neck, scars on my stomach, scars on my upper leg, scars on my lower leg. No matter how hard I try, I cannot cover them up. At times, I feel so deformed...so ugly. I will live with these scars the rest of my life.
When I go out in public, I spend a lot of time looking down to hide my face from others. I don't want to see the stares. I don't want to have to explain what has happened. I wish I could just blend in like I used to. But the scars and swelling on my face make me stand out from the crowd.
Today, a dear friend, a cancer survivor herself, sent me this excerpt take from the book Little Bee. She somehow knew how I was feeling about my scars. This friend made a pact with me that if I choose to wear my scars proudly, she too will wear her scars proudly. We are survivors! Scars are not formed on the dying! So today, I am choosing to not look at my scars as ugly, but as a beautiful reminder of what I have survived and of God's faithfulness through it all.
"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with." - Harry Crews
I am continuing to work hard on raising money for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. I will be taking turns walking for 24 hours with my dear friends that have been a tremendous support to me this past year. Participating in this event means a lot to me. It gives me back the power that has been stripped away this past year. I now have the opportunity to fight back. I have made it my personal goal to raise $1,000 to support the ACS. Please consider joining me in the fight by donating ANY amount possible. To donate, simply visit the link included on the top of my blog.
Please continue to pray for my healing. I have another doctor appointment on Monday so I should be able to update you then on the infection in my face as well as the progress of my leg. Also, I hope to find out when they will do future scans. THANK YOU for your support and prayers!