Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Voices in my Head

Voice of Truth
by Casting Crowns

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth

These past couple of weeks I have really been struggling with listening to this voice of truth. Instead, negative thoughts have been consuming my mind. I am watching the hole in my face get bigger causing hopelessness to overcome me. I am really hoping that the flap from my cheek will be big enough to cover the hole. Step two of the procedure is tomorrow. And I am so afraid I am going to walk into the clinic, see my doctor's eyes widen with fear and hear him say this isn't going to work. The hole is too big. Yet, the biggest mind game I have going on right now is about the MRI scheduled for Monday. Voices inside my head are telling me that cancer is back, that I will get bad results. It is a constant battle...ignoring the negative thoughts and concentrating on the positive...on the voice of truth.

Some of the best words of wisdom that were given to me this past year were this: Sue, God is good. He is about life, not death. About peace, not anxiety and fear. He wants you to believe, not doubt. So if you are feeling fearful, uneasy or doubtful start focusing on the voice of truth (God) and all of these feelings will start to go away. I have found this advice to be so true and the best advice a cancer patient could ever receive.

This morning I had another meltdown. As the song says, the crashing waves were calling out my name reminding of all of the times I tried before and failed. Telling me I will never win. Again, I had to start my morning asking God for peace...for encouragement. I had to choose to listen and believe to the voice of truth.

Please continue to pray for healing. Pray for peace as I face this next week and the upcoming MRI. Pray that the hole will simply be fixed and not require massive surgery.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement....sticking with me until the very end...whenever that will be. Your prayers mean so much to me.

All my love,
Sue

6 comments:

Mary Sears said...

Thinking of you today and always!

Love,
Mary

Anonymous said...

Isn't it amazing at how LOUD those voices and thoughts are that run through your head? It is something EVERY survivor struggles with.

There's nothing I can say... But I am able to acklowledge what you feel is OK! Meltdowns are normal. (I called them my "pity parties.")

But your faith is strong, and God is good. m You WILL get through this!

Your friend,
Jami Helvick

Anonymous said...

Sue. listen to the song it can teach us a lot about what the bible has to say about trusting God.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight
I will keep you in my prayer tomorrow. love Wydia M.

Farmgirl Paints said...

Oh I love that song. I am the queen of listening to the negative and I'm here to tell ya that it's just the enemy putting doubt and fear in your mind. Focus on the word. Find every healing scripture you can and absorb it all in. All the voices and distractions will get more and more distant. I will definitely be praying for you.

Anonymous said...

God won't bring you to it if you can't get through it. Be strong Sue!

Anonymous said...

Be strong as you have been for the challenges you have had these past few years. You have all of our love, prayers, and strength radiating toward you...as many have said (AND YOU HAVE SAID IT TOO!!!!) God will only give you what you can handle...you will be fine, and we are sticking through this with you until forever and your future of life with your family!!!!!!!
Kari Karrmann Sides