Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Fingers Crossed

I wish I could say things are slowly getting better, but they are not.  They are slowly getting worse.  I guess this is typical for patients in the immediate weeks following radiation therapy.  After my appointment on Monday, I got a reality check which was tough to swallow.  (no pun intended)  I had high aspirations for my recovery and thought I would be feeling a lot better by now and that eating would start getting easier.  Unfortunately, it is quite the opposite.  The weeks after finishing radiation are the worst for the patient.  The pain, nausea, mouth sores etc...hit their peak.   And it is true!  I am completely miserable.  I spend a lot of time sleeping and trying to keep on top of the pain.  Constantly pill popping, mouth swishing, tube feeding, IV dripping, nose irrigating, nasal clearing and more.  It really takes its toll mentally.  Just when you think you are finished it just gets worse.  Throughout my treatment I heard from many different doctors and nurses what to expect during recovery.   Of course, I clung to the most positive expectations for recovery, but I don't think they were the most realistic ones.   So you could say that I am a little frustrated.   Patients also tend to go through deep depression.  I can understand why...after going through a very difficult treatment, it is hard to face a very difficult recovery.  

So I am sorry to report nothing exciting about my recovery.  Although, to be honest, I am keeping my fingers crossed behind my back secretly hoping that my recovery will go a lot quicker than what they told me.   I am still looking towards my goal of chowing down at the State Fair.  I will be the one in the wheelchair (due to lack of energy) visiting every booth possible.  

Please do pray for a quick recovery and for mental strength.  It is hard to not be anxious not only about getting better but about whether or not the cancer is still there.   Thank you!!!


Anonymous said...

I believe in you Sue!


Anonymous said...

I know things will get better for you soon and you WILL be able to enjoy your favorite foods at the State Fair!
Maryann Raese

Jen said...


Thanks for sharing where you are at right now. We will be praying very specifically for a quick recovery for you! Remember, you are loved by soooo many!

Jen Falk

Anonymous said...

I wish there was something magical we could do for you to make this time easier. I was hoping to see you at book club last night and understood why you were not there. But next month at book club you will be 6 weeks out from your treatments and you wlll be doing great by then. Rest, your body needs it and heals best when it's rested. Keep managing the pain, your body heals best when it's not dealing with pain. Think of the things you have accomplished, be patient and know that you will get through this. We think of you often and are always praying for the best. You can do it, you will make it. Believe in yourself.

Susan Thomas

Anonymous said...

I want to tell you how much I enjoy the "connection" with you even though I've never met you. I will continue to pray for you during this time of frustration...You are so SPECIAL! Amy Schmidt from Traverse City

Anonymous said...

I'm continuing to pray for you as you recover and I hope for some peace for you and the frustration you must feel now.


Anonymous said...

Sending prayers of healing and love to you. Praying for a faster recovery you deserve it.

Tracy & Matt

Anonymous said...

I can't add anything that hasn't already been spoken or written but I want to pass along that I've been thinking of you. I've know some amazing survivors-people that found strength they never imagined possible. I wish that for you... You will be missed at the reunion but you will be thought of often--Stacy Cole

Anonymous said...

I know this coming from anyone else would be a face-slapping moment, BUT...

Oh, no. No, no, no. You have have come TOO far to be icky and in the dumps about recovery. You know this, too, will pass....just like all the doctors say. It will just take a bit more time than what you were willing to give yourself. You are on the "up" swing...no more punches to keep you held down. But we have to climb back up the hill to make it to the top, dear.

It still sucks. Yup, it REALLY does. But us moms have to let those "perfect mom" expectations go, just like us survivors have to let those "perfect patient/perfect recovery" expectations go. You know the saying...you're a perfect mom until you become one? Yup, same holds true for survivors.

Get it out. You're mad, frustrated, disappointed...at yourself, the situation, and even God. You are SO done with all of this stuff, I know. But part of this whole process is finding the BEST of relationships when you are able to express just that, and people don't run away. They let you sit, they let you cry...without any expectations from you, or trying to "fix" anything. They listen, cry with you, hold your hand...even simply sit in the same room just to watch tv.

Now we just have to do the same thing in the recovery period. Do continue to let us know when you're mad, frustrated, and disappointed...so we know how best to pray, encourage, or hold your hand.

I am very proud of you, Sue. We'll climb back up that hill together, my friend. Together.

Much Love,
Jami Helvick