Friday, August 21, 2009

Short and but not sweet

Hi everyone.  This blog is going to be short but not sweet.  I really don't know what more to say right now other than I am still living in misery. I wake up every morning in tears.  The first think I do before the day starts is clean out my mouth  and nose from all of the mucus that gets built up overnight.  It is pretty gross.  I continue to fight nausea from all the mucus that drains in my stomach.  And I am still pretty tired.  

I had several doctor appointments this week and each one confirmed that I have a long way to go before I start to feel normal again.  I can't help but break down and cry when I hear them say this. Everyone tells me that someday I will look back on this and feel great again.  But it is hard to keep hearing this over and over when you see very little changes taking place.  

My Radiology Oncologist suggested we do a MRI to make sure the cancer has stayed put and has not spread.  It is pretty routine, but it scared me to death.  It is not something I wanted to face anytime soon.  Will they be able to tell if the cancer is gone?  I am not sure.   

I know that I have asked you over and over again to keep praying, but that is all I need from friends and family right now.  Prayers are what are going to get me through this and the increase the odds of healing.  So again, I will ask you to pray.  

Love,
Sue

14 comments:

Connie said...

Sue,
I don't want to go all "Pollyanna" on you, but I think it's worth something to note that you still write this blog. You're candid about your condition and your feelings, and you express yourself very well. (I'm a retired/old
English teacher, so I know what I'm talking about! Just ask Phil & Barb.)
Yes, you feel like hell, and yes, you fear it's never going to get better --- but you don't KNOW that. So pull it together and keep doing the best you can. We continue to pray for your complete recovery.
All will be well. (I'm an old English teacher, and I KNOW.)
love,
connie stephens

Anonymous said...

Oh Sue,

The MRI scares you, but it might be just what you need right now: visible proof that something GOOD has been accomplished in your body. Has a date been set?

We will continue praying, and trusting that God has you in the palm of his hand.

Love, love, love and peace, and grace to you!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Sue. It will only get better from here. Remember that you got through a very scary moment last weekend. That has to be a sign of positive things to come. We all continue to pray for your recovery.

Brian and Andrea Weber

Jen said...

Dear Sue,

Thank you for your very honest words. My heat hurts for you during this time of discouragement. Just know that we are praying for you - praying that God will give you peace, strength and health and that this MRI will bring GOOD NEWS!

Lots of love to you!

Jen Falk

Anonymous said...

I will continue to pray for patience, my friend. Baby steps...baby steps.

Let go of the expectations you have inadvertently set for yourself. We're all here waiting for you, and we're not going anywhere...

It's hard to be all "rah, rah, rah" when you feel so "blah, blah, blah." You're sad, disappointed, angered,and scared beyond anyone's (or even your own) comprehension. You keep being dealt cards you really don't want to play with. All I can tell you is...you have many, MANY people willing to play with you.

You are NOT doing this alone. We will continue to "rah, rah, rah" even when you feel "blah, blah, blah." We will continue to pray, encourage, cry with, and take all the face-slapping necessary to get you through this.

I continue to be VERY proud of you!!

Much Love,
Jami Helvick

Anonymous said...

Sue, I am praying for you to make it through this valley. I will pray that God will speed your recovery. I pray that you will feel his presence and comfort every day from the physical things to the emotional.

What you are going through is so tough, I can't even imagine. But, you have come far. You have made it through radiation and chemo! Wow, that is amazing. You can do this! You are strong and God will give you the extra strength you need!

Remember you have a prayer network behind you and you are never alone.

Lots of love,

Lauri

mimi charmante said...

Hello my sweet friend,
I wish I could be there with you, giving you all of the strength that I have in me. I wish there was something I could do to make this somehow, some way easier on you. You are managing this difficult situation with such grace and dignity. Sue, you are such an inspiration to every single person you come in contact with.
Please know that I am here for you, across the miles, and that I am thinking of you and wishing you some relief in all of this.
Much love,
K.

Jeremy, Michelle, and Girls said...

I'm sure it's so very difficult to look far into the future and imagine a time when you will feel great again! But, maybe you can take pleasure in something very small each day. Maybe something that you got to experience with your girls, a beautiful sunny day, the fact that you just ate your first full meal in months. Those little things will slowly start to add up and accumulate and before you know it, you will be feeling well again! It's so hard to wait! I will pray for patience for you and for a little relief!

Love,
Michelle E.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,
My Name is Andrea Wackerfuss and I live a few houses down the street from you at 1989 Schoolmaster Dr.. I attend church with Michelle Engerbretson and she told me about you. I just wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you and your family, and I was hoping to stop by with a card for you, but one of my children has a bad stomach bug, so I will stay far away from you.
I want to give you a verse I recently read, 1 Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace, who called you to eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself make you strong, firm, and steadfast." I don't know why God has allowed you to suffer so much, but I do know he is with you, and I do believe that He will restore you to health. Sometimes we need to be patient and persevere. James 1:12 says,"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.", and James 5:11, "As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered." You need to be patient and persevere, but know that God has a special plan for you, you are blessed, you will be blessed and there will be a reward at the end of your suffering. You will not only be beautiful on the outside, but God will also create something beautiful on the inside. I will continue to pray for you. I hope to meet you someday, and I hope to see you out running in the early morning hours of morning again. I also run, but have been unable to run this summer because of a bad injury to my leg. My hope is that both of us will return to our morning runs and maybe one day we'll meet out on the road. If you need anything, I'm just down the street, my phone number is 952-479-7025, otherwise, I'll just keep praying for you.
Andrea Wackerfuss

Anonymous said...

I know all of this is difficult for you and we all wish there was something we could do to help you through this. It can't be easy to be patient through this, you only want to heal, you only want to have your life back the way it was and it's not happening soon enough for you. I know it's not easy, we all know it's difficult. We are all praying for you, for the strength to get through this, for the cancer to be gone, for the pain to be gone and for you to get your life back the way it was before all of this. We think of you all the time and wish it was different. Believe Sue, you can do this. And it's okay to cry, crying has a cleansing effect on you, so cry when you need to. We are here if you need anything. And we are with you in spirit all the time.

Susan T.

Anonymous said...

Sue-
Every day in my quiet time I think of you and pray for you. You have so many people laying your needs at the foot of the cross...at the throne of Grace...rest and find peace that you are covered in prayer and that the Almighty hears these prayers. God does have you safely in the palm of His Hand and look to Him for your courage and strength to face each day. You are the daughter of the King and He loves you so much!
Peace and healing,
Love,
Nikki

Anonymous said...

Sue,

My heart breaks to know that you still feel the way you do. You will better and you will feel good again. The MRI could very well be the peace of mind that you need right now. To know that everything that you have gone through was to be rid of the cancer. Be positive in that, have faith and hold on. We are right here if you need us.

Hugs & Prayers,

Tracy

Anonymous said...

Sue...missed you so much at the reunion...happy to know you saw the pictures, got the book and heard the stories (and there are many :) So sorry you do not have more relief by now...we are praying for you as a family,and my older son who is a serious and persistent and specific prayer, he also wanted you know that he raked leaves in your farmville garden! :) Hang in there...we continue to pray for you, for the big things and the little things that it would take for you to be healed and feel like yourself again...jen larsen fortner

Michelle Rovang Burke said...

Sue. . . I truly think and pray for you daily as the monotony has got to be the most trying part right now. It seems that a clear and fierce opponent is so much easier to battle than the fatigue that comes after. You have already shown all around you how strong you are - it's now time to let God and his followers do the rest. When you are tired, it's time to let everyone else lift you up. And know that a few more games of Bejeweled just may be the best medicine right now.:-) Sending lots of hugs your way...