Monday, August 10, 2009

Mushroom and me

Yesterday, we had a very special member of our family move on to bigger and better things. Mushroom, the butterfly, finally came out of his Chrysalis.  It was a really special moment for us to witness such a miracle.   Once Mushroom came out, we put him on the table on our deck and we sat around watching him prepare to spread his wings and fly.  Jason was the only one that lasted long enough to actually seem him take flight.  The rest of us got impatient and went about our business.  Luckily, Jason captured the moment on film.

As for myself, I finally feel like I have turned the corner in my recovery process.  My mouth sores are starting to heal and my energy level is starting to come back.  I still feel pretty miserable, but at least I am not getting any worse.  The most frustrating thing for me is having to be patient.  It is hard to wait for things to get better.  I wish there was a button I could push to fast forward 2-3 weeks.  It has been far too long feeling sick and down under.  I am ready to feel "normal" again.  Although, will I truly ever feel that way again?  

I am also trying to keep my fears in check.  Sometimes I start to freak out wondering if the cancer is still there.   After all I have been through, it is hard to imagine to have to back down that road again or to have to endure a very complicated surgery to have the rest of the cancer removed.   I don't know how to not be afraid.  It is easier said than done.  But I am hoping as I get better, the more busier I will become therefore the more distracted I will be, preventing me from thinking negative thoughts.  Right now, I have too much time on my hands as I lay in bed trying to recover causing to me to think to much.  

I read an amazing verse today that has given me a good perspective on having patience while going through this suffering:

1 Peter 2:19-20 "For one is regarded favorably, if as in the sight of God, he endures the pain of unjust suffering.  After all what kind of glory is there in it if, when you do wrong and are punished for it, you take it patiently?  But if you bear patiently with suffering when you do right and that is undeserved, it is acceptable and pleasing to God."  

Please continue to pray for a quick recovery and for the cancer to be gone!  Also, please pray for peace of mind so that I will not get overwhelmed by fear.

Thank you all for your prayers.  I can't believe how many of you continue to send me encouragement through cards, gifts and messages on my blog.  It helps me to keep going!!!

With much love,


Anonymous said...

Sue, just got back from vacation and am catching up on your blog. So, thrilled to hear that all the radiation is complete. But, also bummed to hear that recovery is slow going. You fter all you have gone through I am in awe of your perseverance and patience. It must get discouraging and I think you are handling it beautifully. My whole family continues to pray for you and your family. We especially pray that God will give you all the grace you need to carry you through the recovery (but that He'll also kick this recovery thing up a notch and get you back to Sueness). Love you, miss you and keeping you in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Sue, thinking about you and continuing to pray for your recovery. - Mark K.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,

Thanks for the update. What a beautiful butterfly and what a neat way for God to speak to you through all of this.

I'm so glad to hear that you (as the butterfly slowly formed)are also slowly feeling better.I pray that things continue to look up and that you may enjoy the rest of the summer (and the fair:)). It's very funny to compare the MN State Fair to our local county fair here! About the only similarity is tons of fried food on a stick:).

You are still in my thoughts and prayers so very often.


Anonymous said...

Yeah for Mushroom!!! Yeah for your corner turned!! We will continue to pray for complete healing and renewed strength!

All our Love,

Rich, Cheri & Kids

Anonymous said...

How awesome you are finally starting to see an improvement in your energy level and your mouth sores. And Mushroom, what a beautiul time for you to witness that transformation. We are all praying for you and hoping every day is a better one for you. I don't want to fast forward your days though, they are way too precious to wish away no matter what is going on in your lives. Live it, find joy in it and be happy you are able to spend this time with your family.

Love always,

Susan Thomas

Anonymous said...

Yea for Mushroom! It is a neat symbol of the transformation your whole family is going through...this journey that you are on. I am hoping that we can get together this weekend. I'd love to give you a hug in person!

Miss and love you,

Jeremy, Michelle, and Girls said...

I've been meaning to ask you about the butterfly! I'm so glad you have finally turned a corner. It was so fun to have the girls here today. We are looking forward to seeing them again next week! You can do this Sue. You have already shown us all how strong you are. I know that you can be "mentally strong" and fight off those negative thoughts. Very soon you will be a busy mom again...getting those girls ready for a new school year, cooking wonderful meals for your family, enjoying the fall weather (yes, I said fall!), socializing with friends at Book Club, and even running! You will be out there running again! I smile just thinking about it. You will get there my friend!


Connie said...

Dear Sue,
Please remember: "normal" shifts all the time. Mercifully. The "normal" we used to know changes with age, experience, maturity and many other influences. You may never go back to being exactly as you were, but then -- who does? We change, we adapt, we do what must be done. I know you know that.
To be ready is all you need to do.

donna said...

Hi Sue:

Paul said, "When I am weak, THEN am I strong." Sounds confusing, doesn't it? His strength was given to him by God, his comforter during one of his many difficult times. By God's grace,you will make it through your recovery, and will burst forth like Mushroom into God's beautiful "butterfly." What a day of rejoicing that will be! Loving you along with many others,
Donna Lundborg

Anonymous said...

How's my newest "survivor" friend doing?

You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. There has just been so much stuff that has gone "wrong," you almost forget how to be optimistic, hopeful, positive....content. You're climbing back up that hill, my friend...and you will re-learn how to be all those things again. Without fear? ...No, I can't/won't tell you that. Gradually, the process of recovery lessens those fears enough that you will have the tools it takes to cope. Every milestone you accomplish is another step back up that hill.

Ooh....a walk around the block. Ooh...tasting strawberry pie. Ooh, OUT with friends! And omigoodness...going on the girls' school fieldtrips...nothing short of miraculous!

You go girl! I am VERY proud of you!! Patience has never been one of my stong-suits, either. God's time, I know. But I'll say a little prayer asking him to hurry-up a little.

Much love,
Jami Helvick