Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Big Picture

I am starting to see the big picture. I am starting see why the events in my past have taken place. Including decisions that were made years ago as well as friends that were made in my youth. Everything has happened for a reason. God has gone before me and prepared the necessary steps that needed to happen for me to take this journey and ultimately be healed. It is amazing to see it all unfold and be revealed before my eyes....

There was a reason why the Pathologist in my first biopsy made the mistake reading the results. Had he not, my surgeon would not have felt obligated to do a second biopsy and I would have been left with cancer cells in my sinuses.

There was a reason I decided to join Facebook before I was diagnosed. It allowed me to reconnect with a special friend from high school. This friend happens to be a Maxofacial Surgeon. He specializes in cases like mine. Yesterday, I was able to have a long conversation with him about the surgery. He was able to calm a lot of my fears, answer a lot of questions and confirm that surgery is the BEST option to get rid of the cancer once and for all. He also was able to go into detail the options I will have for reconstruction of my teeth as well as my eye if it were to be removed during surgery. Reconnecting with him and becoming friends with him years ago was no coincidence.

There was a reason why we chose the location to build our home in Chaska almost 6 years ago. We were the 5th house built so we had no idea what the neighbors would be like. Little did we know what a tremendous support system these neighbors would become 6 years later on during my battle with cancer. They have become some of our dearest friends and they have gone out of their way to show us love and support. They have supplied us with meals when I was feeling down and out.

There is a reason why God has chosen to not complete the healing process yet. It hasn't been until recently that I have started to truly experience the power of God's love. I am also the most vulnerable I have ever been throughout this journey forcing me to finally give it all to God. There is nothing I can do or control at this point. The rest is left up to him.

There are so many more reasons yet to be discovered and I am excited for them to continue to be revealed. But one thing I know for sure, the way things have happened, especially in this past month, needed to happen in order for me to be healed.

Today, I received a gift left on my doorstep. It was a book titled "If I could be sick for you for Just One Day" written by Kathy Cramer. It was another demonstration of love from our friends in the neighborhood. Each page was signed with a written of message of love, hope and encouragement. I wanted to share it with you. It has a very special message that someone battling an illness needs to hear. The book reads,

I wish I could be sick for you for just one day. I would let you go outside and run and play!
I would swallow the pills that don't want to stay down. You could stick your head out the window and ride all over town.
I would shake and chill the way you do. You could go sail on a sailboat - be a part of the crew!
I would feel the pain you endure. You could go out for a big dinner..order dessert for sure.
I would dream the dreams that can be scary and dark. You could fish on a lake and walk through the park.
I would do your wishing to feel better soon. You could stay up late and sleep until noon.
I would look through the cards that were sent by friends. You could eat popcorn and candy until a movie begins.
I would walk your path with heavy tired steps. You could drink lemonade and sit out on the deck.
I would feel the faith that you hold in your heart. You could walk through the market, smell the flowers on a cart.
I would eat the food that doesn't taste right. You could ride a rollercoaster and squeal with delight.
I would look out your window and wonder why. You could visit all your friends just to say "Hi!"
I would hold your anger that comes and goes. You could walk barefoot in new grass and wiggle your toes.
I would do your wondering of what is to be. You could read a book under a big shady tree.
I would listen to the footsteps and come and go. You could sit by the fire or play in the snow.
I would lie in your bed for that day and night. You could sit and watch a sunset, blazing and bright.
I wish I could sick for you for just one day. But since I can' your side I will stay.

I am signing off for awhile so that I can focus on spending time with my family during Christmas. I want to enjoy the time I have with them without thinking about the surgery. I need a break from it all. So look for an update next week.

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas. During this holiday season, my prayer is that you will feel the love of God and enjoy the time you have with your family and friends. I feel blessed to have you in my life.



Anonymous said...

I hope you are able to have a very special Christmas with your family and friends. My prayer is that you will feel hopeful, close to the Lord, and calm inspite of the pending surgery. You have come to mean so much to many of us. You may never know the impact you have had on us all. Thank you for your honesty. Love, Barbara in Texas

Anonymous said...


As always when I read your thoughts I am reminded of what an amazing person you are and I feel selfish for the way you continue to remind me to appreciate all of the people and things around me each day. You have an unbelievable way of finding positives in all of your experiences. I wish for the best Christmas for you and your family. We'll be thinking of you all!


Anonymous said...

We also wish you a very Merry Christmas, and pray for God to pour his blessings on you Jason and the girls. May everything be special, wonderful and full of joy. No one is more deserving then you and your family. We love you,
Love Derek, Connie and Isabella

Anonymous said...

Dearest Sue,

You brought tears to my eyes with this excerpt from your book. You are such an inspiration to many - I pray that you and your family have a peaceful Christmas surrounded by the love of your family, friends, and above all, from Our Savior. Special Christmas blessings to you and your family.
Love, Kim (Owens)Devlin and Family

Anonymous said...

Beautiful...absolutely beautiful. Yet again, during the time I should be helping you, you have helped me.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,
I just want to wish you a very Merry Christmas!! You are very inspirational. You are a true woman of God, and I agree with you, sometimes God has to allow us to go through terrible experiences just so we can feel his awesome power. I feel that I see the power of God through your blog and I have learned a lot from the words that you write, so thank you.
I have written this before, but you are a very beautiful woman and I will pray that God will restore your physical beauty when this is all over. I know that your inner beauty surpasses that of most anyone else, I pray that your outer beauty will reflect the inner beauty that you show.
Merry Christmas!
Andrea Wackerfuss