Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Second Biopsy Tomorrow

I woke up this morning in a panic as I started to think about the biopsy tomorrow. It came way too fast. What happened to these last four weeks? I am not sure how I feel about it. I sometimes feel that everything is going to be OK. But then the "what ifs" start to enter into my mind and I get scared at the possibility that they may find that the cancer is still there. Oh how I wish it was simple to let go and let God. This is NOT easy.

I spent some time reading my Bible this morning. Immediately I turned to the verse in Psalms that God gave to me when I was first diagnosed. In this Psalms, David was remembering the miracles of long ago that God performed in his life bringing him hope as he faced his current struggles. When I was diagnosed, it was a reminder of how God miraculously saved Mackenzie's life. Remembering the power God demonstrated during her birth and time spent in the NICU gave me hope. How ironic that I happened to turn directly to this Psalms again as I am approaching the end of my treatment. Then, I turned directly to a verse in Leviticus. It is a verse that talks about God's compassion as never failing and how it is new every morning. Another encouragement that God will again show his compassion to me tomorrow morning while I go through the biopsy. I am doing the best I can today to cling to this encouragement God gave me this morning. I am trying not to second guess it, which can be easy to do. Was it a mere coincidence that I happened to turn directly to these passages?

My biopsy is scheduled for 7:40 am. The first surgery of the day. Please pray for peace before surgery, wisdom for my doctor and a speedy recovery. And most of all pray for a negative biopsy!!! I am assuming my doctor will have a Pathologist in the operating room with him once again so we should get quick results. Let's hope the Pathologist doesn't make a mistake this time. I will update all of you as soon as I can.


Anonymous said...

You will be fine Sue. BELIEVE.

Susan Thomas

Anonymous said...

Baby steps, Sue. Baby steps. Just one more step in the MANY you have already accomplished in your journey. You are plugging ahead, as hard as it is, and facing it head on. I am SO proud of you! (And PLEASE don't be afraid to accept the help of our friend, Ativan. Ha!)

Praying for peace and calm. Oh yes, and a negative biopsy too. But PEACE and CALM. :)

Much Love,
Jami Helvick :)

Anonymous said...

Praying for you! So many people are lifting you up because you are such a special person in so many ways and to so many people!