Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Utter Helplessness

Psalm 34:17-18 "The righteous cry and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

I read in a devotional this morning that this prayer can't be mindlessly recited from a book, because it comes a from a condition of utter helplessness.  It says, "Lord, I'm empty.   I've come up short again.  I haven't got it.  Only you can provide the answer.  God does respond to this humility that expresses utter dependance on him.

This best expresses how I have been feeling...utter helplessness.  I have no control over most aspects of my life.  No control over my body.  I am subjected to the instructions from the doctors and rely heavily on those around me to provide for my family and my kids.   And today, I will be given a feeding tube to provide my body the nutrition it needs to get through the rest of radiation therapy.  I will no longer have the ability to make the simple decision on what to eat for the day.  There is not much left that I am able to control in my life.    I am humbled and have nothing left to do but have utter dependance on God to get me through this.  I am relying on the promise that the verse above provides.  

The sores in my mouth are getting worse.  They are growing more so in the back of my mouth and in my throat causing me to gag a lot.  I am hoping that after this day is over that I will be able to get back onto my pain management regimen.  I am holding off on my pain meds today so that I will not have any serious reactions from the anesthesia and medications they will give me during surgery today.   I will be having radiation today at 11:00 - yes no rest for the weary even if they are having surgery.  And then surgery at 3:00.   Please pray it will go smoothly with no complications.  I will feel so relieved once this is day is all over.


Anonymous said...

Hang in there Sue! You can do it!

Anonymous said...

We are praying for you Sue. The end result is worth all the struggles you are dealing with!

Brian and Andrea Weber

Anonymous said...

Sue, It is noon MN time so they are probably close to preping you for surgery. I am imagining myself next to you, holding your hand, along with all the other people out there who are imaging the same thing. We all love you and are with you even when you feel alone.
love, Suzie, Jason, Hadyen & Claire Miller

Anonymous said...

It is now 2:30 and I will be in prayer for you as you enter surgery and for your recovery. The Lord will give you strength to get through the day one minute at a time. We will also be praying for the doctors and nurses to have the wisdom to deal with your unique situation.

Julie Dahl

Anonymous said...

Praying, praying, praying for mercy for you, Sue. No complications. An easy transition back home. Relief from any added pain.

Loving Father, have mercy on Sue. Deliver her from her troubles and be near to her crushed spirit. Restore her physically, emotionally, spiritually. You promise that you will, and we wait on you with open hearts and hands. . .


Anonymous said...

Amen to Cheri's prayer above! We all are thinking of you and pulling for you hoping all went well this afternoon. Press on Sue! You can get through this - God is right there with you my friend and is your deliverer!!!

Love you, Michelle A.

Susan said...

Oh Sue, I'm sorry you are going through this. Cyper reader here but praying for you. I pray that once you have the feeding tube, things wil work itself out to be more comfortable. I know several reading your blog and you ARE an encouragement. Keep fighting is right.

Farmgirl Paints said...

Hi Sue,
I am a friend of Michelle A. and live really close to you. I have been hearing your story through her for quite some time now and I wanted you to know that I will be praying for you and your family.

I can't imagine how hard this time in your life is. It is a comfort to know that you have your faith. I pray that your surgery goes well and that this feeding tube will give you some relief from the pain. You keep on being obviously are such an encouragement to many.

Anonymous said...

We are so blessed to have a direct line to our Lord and Savior! We are praying for you and praising God for being so awesome. It is excruciating to hear all you have to go through but we are thrilled that there is an avenue for you to take to get rid of this cancer. Remember to let Him carry you when you get too tired to go on, He promises He will be our strength when we have none. Pray His promises - He keeps His promises.

We love you, the Stewarts

Anonymous said...

Hey Sue,
My girls had VBS this week. It was a magical week for them as always. They always come home singing and praising God. Lucy has been walking around giving us all little glow in the dark firefly stickers and telling us "Fear Not, God Loves You!" I tell you the same my friend, "Fear Not, God Loves You!" You are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that the sores in your mouth will recede and you will have some relief!

-Michelle Engebretson