I read in a devotional this morning that this prayer can't be mindlessly recited from a book, because it comes a from a condition of utter helplessness. It says, "Lord, I'm empty. I've come up short again. I haven't got it. Only you can provide the answer. God does respond to this humility that expresses utter dependance on him.
This best expresses how I have been feeling...utter helplessness. I have no control over most aspects of my life. No control over my body. I am subjected to the instructions from the doctors and rely heavily on those around me to provide for my family and my kids. And today, I will be given a feeding tube to provide my body the nutrition it needs to get through the rest of radiation therapy. I will no longer have the ability to make the simple decision on what to eat for the day. There is not much left that I am able to control in my life. I am humbled and have nothing left to do but have utter dependance on God to get me through this. I am relying on the promise that the verse above provides.
The sores in my mouth are getting worse. They are growing more so in the back of my mouth and in my throat causing me to gag a lot. I am hoping that after this day is over that I will be able to get back onto my pain management regimen. I am holding off on my pain meds today so that I will not have any serious reactions from the anesthesia and medications they will give me during surgery today. I will be having radiation today at 11:00 - yes no rest for the weary even if they are having surgery. And then surgery at 3:00. Please pray it will go smoothly with no complications. I will feel so relieved once this is day is all over.