It's complicated

One of these days I wish I could give you news that everything went as planned. Unfortunately, once again surgery was more complicated than anticipated. The hole in my face was too big to be repaired by the skin in between my eyebrows. So the skin had to come from my forehead. My face is not a pretty sight. I have an incision from my hairline all the way down to my nose. Some of the skin from my forehead and to be left on the top of my nose until the blood vessels start connecting to the forehead skin that was used to cover the hole in my face. This should take about 4-6 weeks then the excess skin will be removed and the rest of my face will be repaired. Yes....another surgery. I had to spend the night in the hospital as well.

These complications are extremely frustrating for me. But not as frustrating as knowing that plans need to be put on hold AGAIN. All of the fun things we were planning for May, including a family vacation, will need to be postponed. It is so hard when I felt we had finally reached the end of the tunnel only to find we still have a ways to go. Yet the toughest thing for me right now is the ugliness I see when I look in the mirror. I feel like a monster with the incision and the lump of excess skin on my nose. I just cried and cried when I looked in the mirror for the first time this morning at the hospital. I vowed I would never leave the house and show my face. I got enough stares before the surgery...now I am bound to scare a few kids at Target. When I got home Kendall was alarmed at the way I looked. I could see the fear in her eyes and it broke my heart.

Why this keeps happening...I don't know. Each time these setbacks take place, it takes me a day or two to get through the frustration and anger. I seem to have a pattern I go through each time I am faced with these disappointments. My family too has discovered this about me. They know to let me be angry at God and the situation and then eventually I calm down and start looking for hope to get through it. I know God just sits back and with understanding allows me feel this way and awaits for me to call on him for strength when I am ready. And he does give it to me when I am ready and willing to let him.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I was hoping to be able to celebrate it big this year since my last birthday was spent in the hospital getting chemo. Unfortunately, it won't be the birthday I was hoping for. But I will cherish being able to spend it at home and with my family.

Please pray for quick healing and that everything will heal in the right way. No more complications! And continue to pray for strength so that I can get through this next setback. Thank you!!!

Love,
Sue