Thursday, April 22, 2010

It's complicated

One of these days I wish I could give you news that everything went as planned. Unfortunately, once again surgery was more complicated than anticipated. The hole in my face was too big to be repaired by the skin in between my eyebrows. So the skin had to come from my forehead. My face is not a pretty sight. I have an incision from my hairline all the way down to my nose. Some of the skin from my forehead and to be left on the top of my nose until the blood vessels start connecting to the forehead skin that was used to cover the hole in my face. This should take about 4-6 weeks then the excess skin will be removed and the rest of my face will be repaired. Yes....another surgery. I had to spend the night in the hospital as well.

These complications are extremely frustrating for me. But not as frustrating as knowing that plans need to be put on hold AGAIN. All of the fun things we were planning for May, including a family vacation, will need to be postponed. It is so hard when I felt we had finally reached the end of the tunnel only to find we still have a ways to go. Yet the toughest thing for me right now is the ugliness I see when I look in the mirror. I feel like a monster with the incision and the lump of excess skin on my nose. I just cried and cried when I looked in the mirror for the first time this morning at the hospital. I vowed I would never leave the house and show my face. I got enough stares before the I am bound to scare a few kids at Target. When I got home Kendall was alarmed at the way I looked. I could see the fear in her eyes and it broke my heart.

Why this keeps happening...I don't know. Each time these setbacks take place, it takes me a day or two to get through the frustration and anger. I seem to have a pattern I go through each time I am faced with these disappointments. My family too has discovered this about me. They know to let me be angry at God and the situation and then eventually I calm down and start looking for hope to get through it. I know God just sits back and with understanding allows me feel this way and awaits for me to call on him for strength when I am ready. And he does give it to me when I am ready and willing to let him.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I was hoping to be able to celebrate it big this year since my last birthday was spent in the hospital getting chemo. Unfortunately, it won't be the birthday I was hoping for. But I will cherish being able to spend it at home and with my family.

Please pray for quick healing and that everything will heal in the right way. No more complications! And continue to pray for strength so that I can get through this next setback. Thank you!!!



Sabrina said...

I am sorry for this set back. But I will continue to pray for healing, comfort and strength.

Happy Birthday!

Jeremy, Michelle, and Girls said...

Love you Sue! You will always be beautiful to everyone who knows you. You are truly amazing. This journey has been tough on all, but I know that you will rise above it. I would be angry too, but I hope that you will find a little joy on your birthday! Just think how far you've come since your last birthday. I'm so thankful that you will see so many more birthdays!

Michelle E.

Anonymous said...

Celebrating your birthday will it be wonderful...a CELEBRATION! You have so much to celebrate...your external beauty will return and you have more internal beauty than all of your blogsite fans put together, Sue. You are always beautiful to those who love you and thats what matters. Another step forward...with years and years of steps to follow.
Be strong, Kari Karrmann Sides

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Sue, You ae one of the most beautiful people who I know. Although I am a bit prejudice since you are my neice! :) I pray this will be a quick recovery for you. I wish you a very happy birthday. You have much to celebrate this year with your wonderful family.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue - I agree with Kari and Maryann-you have much more inner beauty then so many of us put together and anyone that truely knows you, knows this.......
I'm sorry the surgery did'nt go as planned, but you WILL heal and you WILL be able to do those family trips and you WILL be able to celebrate your birthday in your own "normal" way!
Still praying & Happy Birthday Sue!

Anonymous said...

We continue praying for you and your family. You are a shining light of God to so many. I am learning just a little bir right now of the ups and downs as I leave the hospital each day after visiting my father. Your many blog posts have helped me to reflect on how God works and what He can be doing even when the results are not what I have hoped for. I pray that your healing continues well and quickly.


Anonymous said...

Hi, Sue --

I agree completely with everyone else. You are truly beautiful in and out to all of us. I am so sorry that the surgery wasn't uneventful as you'd hoped and prayed for. We will continue to pray for you each day. By the way, I ran in to Ms. Alicia from Jamboree yesterday. She sends you her love and wants you to know that she and many others send up prayers for you often. You are so special to more people than you can imagine. Happy birthday tomorrow! Love and hugs to you and your family -- Tracy G.

Anonymous said...

Sue, I don't know you in person...but I've come to know the most beautiful part of you, and this is your heart. Do not let the world fooled you, by making you think that the physical appearance is the most important part of who we are, because God tell us that he looks into our heart to see the real person. You are beautiful, no matter what...Keep believing, keep trusting in the Lord, and may God fill you with His Joy and peace always. You are in our prayers everyday... Happy birthday ,May God give you the desires of your Heart in this new year of life.
Hugs to you and your family.. Wydia Moya

Anonymous said...


Happy Birthday! Though it is not the birthday you are hoping for, I know your family will make it special.

You all remain in our thoughts and prayers.


Anonymous said...

Sue, I am so sorry to hear that things did not go as planned. Seems that life is just that way sometimes. While sitting with you on Tuesday, I could not help but think just how beautiful you still are in so many ways both inside and outside. As I have said before, you are still one of the hottest house wives on Schoolmaster! Happy Birthday, love you Connie