Friday, April 9, 2010

There is surely a hope for me

Yesterday was my one year anniversary since being diagnosed with cancer. I was hoping to be able to celebrate the anniversary knowing I was cancer free. But that my have to wait...but not for long...

Today I found out the biopsies they took during my surgery were negative. And today, the Radiologist who works with the ENT doctors and head, neck and throat cancers took a look at my recent MRI (he was not able to last week due to being out of town). He believes the two spots in question are not cancer. He feels there is no reason to biopsy the area. He will be speaking with my surgeon on Monday about his findings and determine whether or not the biopsy needs to be done.

Things have been going well since the surgery. I had a follow up appointment today with the Plastic Surgeon who removed the mesh. The part of the incision that was left open needs to heal within 6 weeks. If it does not heal, they will need to repair it with another skin graft. It is too hard to tell what will happen with skin that has been radiated. We will just have to wait and see. As for my eye, they are not sure if there is enough scarring to hold the eye in place. Another wait and see situation. Over time the eye may fall or may not. But as of now, things are going well.

One thing I am learning through all of this is to wait and to have patience without getting anxious. Typically I have a need for immediate and powerful action from God and the doctors. Yet, most of the circumstances are such that I can do nothing. It takes every ounce of my being to not fall to pieces. Most of the time I do fall to pieces and get angry, frustrated, hurt and sad. But then after going through these emotions I am able to be still and wait. And when I am still I start to hear a still small voice in the depths of my being. This voice brings me the hope and the strength I am looking for to get over the next hurdle. It has taken me a long time to be able to do this. It is still a work in progress. But it is getting easier. So over the next few weeks as I am waiting for results, waiting to see if my wounds will heal, waiting to see if my eye will stay put I am going to attempt to be still and listen for God's voice.

Not in the turmoil of the raging storm,
Not in the earthquake or devouring flame;
But in the hush that could all fear transform,
The still, small whisper to the prophet came.

O Soul, keep silence on the mount of God,
Though cares and needs throb around you like a sea;
From prayers, petitions, and desires unshod,
Be still, and hear what God will say to thee.

All fellowship has interludes of rest,
New strength maturing in each level of power;
The sweetest Alleluias of the blest
Are silent, for the space of half an hour.

O rest, in utter quietude of soul,
Abandon words, leave prayer and praise awhile;
Let your whole being, hushed in his control,
Learn the full meaning of His voice and smile.

Not as an athlete wrestling for a crown,
Not taking Heaven by violence of will,
But with you Father as a child sit down,
And know the bliss that follows His "Be Still!"
-Mary Rowles Jarvis

Proverbs 23:18 "There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off."

Thank you for your continued prayers. THEY ARE WORKING!!!!!!!!!!!!



Anonymous said...

Praise God! Still praying for you even though you don't know me.

Anonymous said...

GREAT NEWS SUE!!!!! Hang in there. Prayers and love. Let us know if you need anything.

Marlene Hayden said...

Dear Sue,
You have said over and over that your cancer happened because God is testing your faith and you feel that your faith is not strong enough because you have questioned "why me" and for how long must this go on? In thinking long and hard about this I've come to realize that God is really testing our faith not yours. He is using you as His example and as I read your blogs I have begun to question my faith as to whether I could be as loyal and true to God as you have been. I feel I would be angry and feeling betrayed, while you have pulled God closer to you. You have read through your Bible and found many passages which in turn have answered those troubling questions. You are a true inspiration to all of us and have showed me that my walk with God is not what it should be. I thank you for opening my eyes, I was so blind that I could not see.
You are always in our prayers and forever in our hearts, as well as your precious family. We will always stay connected through God and walk every step of the way with you.
God's blessings and ours.
Marlene & Frank