Monday, April 5, 2010

Waiting for hope

Tomorrow is the big day. Surgery at 3:30. I will either be jumping for joy with good news or devastated beyond belief with bad news. I am scared...not about the surgery itself, but about the after. Seeing Jason's face as he walks into the recovery room. Will it be a happy face or a concerned face? I will know immediately if the surgeon found cancer when I see Jason's face for the first time. Please God, let it be a happy face. I am also scared about what my face will look like....

Today I had an appointment with the surgeon that will be assisting my Surgical Oncologist. I learned that the mesh has been secured with 3 screws. To access these 3 screws, they may have to cut open my entire face again. They would cut along my current scar. As for my eye...time will tell. It will be too soon to determine whether or not my eye has enough support. Over time it may fall down or back. Should that happen, they will have to find a way to better support it or remove it all together. Recovery will take time again. My face will be swollen again. I am devastated...again.

I have had quite the conversation with God this past hour. He knows my heart and the disappointment I am feeling right now. I have begged him for Mercy and asked God for deliverance from all of this pain and suffering. I feel so alone. Yet, no matter how abandoned I feel, I am still drawn to God and seek him for hope and peace knowing his eyes see further than my own....

Dear Lord,
You have made waiting beautiful and patience divine. You have taught us that Your will should be accepted, simply because it is Your will. You have revealed to us that a person may see nothing but sorrow in his cup yet still be willing to drink it because of a conviction that Your eyes see further than his own. Father, give me Your divine power-the power of Gethsemane. Give me the strength to wait for hope-to look through the window when there are no stars. Even when my joy is gone, give me the strength to stand victoriously in the darkest night and say, "To my heavenly Father, the sun still shines." - A prayer from Streams in the Desert


If you could remember me in your prayers, I would appreciate it. Tomorrow will be a difficult day. Please pray that the surgeons will be able to use the least evasive measures to remove the mesh in my face. Pray that my eye will have the support it needs to stay in place. Pray for strength so that I may be able to handle whatever news I get tomorrow. Pray that recovery will not be long.

Thank you all,
Sue

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I will be thinking of you all day tomorrow, sending you peace and positive energy. We will all be waiting to hear the news and I pray that it will be good news too.

Take our love and peace with you tomorrow and know that we all will be keeping you in our hearts and prayers tomorrow.

Susan Thomas

Sabrina said...

I will be praying for you throughout the day tomorrow.
Love and peace to you...

Anonymous said...

I am sending you great vibes and praying the doctors have wisdom to do what they can to give you the best outcome!! Stay strong! I look forward to seeing you out on your bike riding around the neighbor in not time at all. Love Ruth L.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,

I will definitely continue praying . Please check your email as I sent you a message and I want you to see it before tomorrow.

Hugs, prayers, hope, peace, strength, love,
Nikki

Anonymous said...

Sue, we're praying for you and will be praying for you tomorrow!

Mark K. & Fam

Anonymous said...

Sue,
was given this website by a friend and coworker, who asked me to keep you an your family in my prayers.....

Philippians 4:4-7

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

We must leave room for mystery in God’s ways. Some things will always remain unexplained. Why God does or does not choose to heal is ultimately subject to his wisdom and sovereign purposes. Why God chooses to heal in part or in whole, now or later, this person but not that one, is often beyond our capacity to understand. Resist the tendency to replace divine mystery with human formulas.

Praying with and for you......~*Charlene Cook*~

Jen Zick said...

You're in my prayers all day today!

Anonymous said...

Sue,
All my strength is with you,your family, and your medical team today. I will pray as hard as I ever have for happy, positive, quick resolution to your never ending journey. You have the courage and strength of a warrior. Think good thoughts ~ God is always listening!
All my love,
-Shelly (Joan's sis-in-law you met at her Xmas party)

Anonymous said...

Dear Sue,

I will be praying for you today and for the days to follow. Love, peace, and hugs to you and your family -- Tracy G.

Anonymous said...

We'll be praying for you and your family today, for the surgery and the surgeons. May God's peace be with you. Praying for hope and good news.....
The Wackerfuss Family

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,

I will be praying as well along with all these other wonderful supporters and friends.

Dani

texasgrammy said...

Sue, I am a friend of Tracy Crumpton's and learned right before your last surgery about your cancer and have been following your blog since them. I am also a believer in Christ and faithfully lift you up in prayer. I am praying for you today each time my heart is prompted and each time you come to my mind, which has been often. Your surgery is two hours away and I ask our Lord just now to comfort you, give you peace, take away any anxiety, show you His presence, knowing all things are in His hands.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you today!

Anonymous said...

Sue,
I am a friend of your cousin, Beth. You have been on my heart all day and have been lifted up in prayer continually. May His love and peace sustain you today and in the days to come.
Rachel

Jeremy, Michelle, and Girls said...

My dear friend...praying for you constantly today! Praying for good results and a quick recovery. You are in God's Hands. He will protect you and give you peace as you continue on this journey.

Love you!

Michelle Engebretson

Anonymous said...

Sue,
It's 7 in MN right now and I pray you have good results and were able to see Jason's smiling face. I have been praying for you today and will continue. Lots of love to you.
Suzie

antonia said...

We have been thinking and praying for you, Jason and the girls today. Please, please let it be good news! Much love, Toni and Bryan