This is part two to my last blog. I had to share with you a couple of events that happened after I wrote it. Just a couple of more examples of God telling me to not give up hope and that he is always there.
A couple of hours after I wrote my blog, I was feeling really down. This is typical for me for the past couple of days. I am just having a hard time. I was watching TV as the girls were coloring at the kitchen table. All of a sudden, Kendall yelled, "Mommy, the blue bird is back!" I didn't believe her, but thought I should get up and look. And there it was, the male blue bird perched on our gazebo looking into our sliding glass door. I couldn't believe it. We were all so excited and watched to see if it would go into Kendall's birdhouse again. It just sat there for awhile and then flew off. After the death of that robin, the appearance of the blue bird could not have come at a better time. Unfortunately, the visit from the blue bird was short lived, and we have not seen it since. The next day we saw a couple of birds on our deck. They were beautiful birds with blue feathers, but they were not the same kind of blue bird that came to us a year ago and the day before. They were a kind of swallow. They have seemed to show an interest in Kendall's bird house and have been hanging out on our deck quite often. I am beginning to wonder if that visit from the blue bird and the appearance of the new birds was God reminding me of his faithfulness this past year, but that I need to move on and start thinking about the future and the newness it brings.
You can call me crazy when it comes to me and these birds. Yes, it may seem like I have lost my marbles and have nothing better to do with my time. But birds have always been very symbolic to my extended family in rough times. If you were to live with us for a long period of time, you would be amazed at what we see and how ironic the appearance of the birds are. They seem to come at just the right time when we are searching for hope and encouragement.
Later on in the day that I wrote my blog and saw the blue bird, I sat down and spent some time reading the new Bible Jason gave me for my birthday and my book titled Streams in the Desert. The passage I began reading was an answer to the many questions I wrote about in my blog. It was about the story in the Bible of Mary Magdalene and Mary sitting in the garden by the tomb grieving after Jesus had been buried. All they could see was that Christ was gone and not the triumph of the next two thousand years. What they regarded as the end of life was actually the preparation for coronation, for Christ remained silent that He might live again with tenfold power. The book goes on to explain that it is the same with us. Each of us sits "opposite of the tomb" in our own garden and initially says, "This tragedy is irreparable. I see no benefit in it and will take no comfort in it." And yet right in the midst of our deepest and worst adversities, our Christ is often just lying there, waiting to be resurrected. Where darkness seems the deepest, the most radiant light is set to emerge. And once the experience is complete, we find our garden is not disfigured by the tomb. This was it...the answer to my questions in my blog. My tomb is this past year and everything I have been through. It has been hard for me to look past it and see the good things that have happened and the good things to come as a result of my cancer....especially these past couple of days as I am feeling down and frustrated. God has been there this whole time and I know he has done amazing things for me this past year. I just need to work harder on not focusing so much on the bad and remember the good that came from it. I think I am just so tired of having to go through this..I have been pushed almost as far as I can go and am desperate for an end. But God continues to give me these reminders...birds and all...that help keep me afloat.
Please continue to pray for healing. My skin is so fragile due to the radiation. This makes healing difficult. I am experiencing some more skin breakdown due to incisions and surgery and we are holding our breath hoping it will heal and not require more surgical intervention. The only thing I can do is continue to apply as much Aquaphor as possible to promote skin cell growth. I think I am going to keep Aquaphor in business. Thank you all for the many birthday blessings, gifts and messages last week. Although my birthday was not what I wanted it to be, I experienced a lot of love from others on that day.
Enjoy the birds!