Friday, July 24, 2009

Mushroom the butterfly

The other day my sister brought over a tiny monarch caterpillar on some milk weed.  She wanted us to experience first hand the miracle of a caterpillar transforming into a beautiful butterfly.  So every morning I come downstairs to check out what the caterpillar is doing.  (By the way, Kendall so lovingly named him Mushroom)  Mushroom grows twice his size every day. He is getting so big now that I am anticipating that the day of Mushroom turning into a Chrysalis is coming very soon.  I don't want to miss it so I try to keep an eye on him as much as possible.  

The gift of Mushroom has given me something to look forward to every day.  And at this point of time, I will take every distraction I can get.  These past couple of days have been extremely rough.  I have been experiencing a lot of nausea and having hard time keeping anything in my stomach.  Just when I thought I had hit an all time low, I think I hit it yesterday.  I was begging and pleading for Jason to not take me to radiation.  I just did not have it in me anymore.  So we went to the Oncologists first to see if there was something they could do to help.  They gave me some IV fluids and IV medications to help give me a boost.  Luckily that did the job and I was able to complete my radiation therapy for the day.  It is hard to be in this situation...there are days you just don't have it in you to go to radiation.  But if you skip a day it just gets added on to the end.  To add it on to the end at this point will not help my mental state as I am desperately clinging on to the idea that next Wednesday is the last day!  So as of today, I have one more round of chemo on Monday and radiation therapy will be completed on Wednesday.   

Right now, I do feel like I a lot like an ugly caterpillar like Mushroom.  How I wish I could just go and hide into a caccoon.   With a bald head and burns all over my face and neck I look forward to the day that I can feel feminine again.   I hope that I will too, transform into a beautiful butterfly again like Mushroom.  Not just on the outside, but on the inside as well.  I hope that I will take all of the lessons I have learned about life and myself and apply them in how I live my life from here on out.  I want to be a better friend, better wife and better mom.  I want to live life to its fullest!

Please continue to pray for strength to get through next Wednesday.  Pray that I will no longer have any setbacks and experience nausea.  Please pray that the cancer will get out of my face and out of the orbit of my eye.  And pray that I will be able to have peace and no anxiety as I wait to heal over the next few months and for the final scans to be completed in October.

Thank you all for all that you do and all that you are!  I appreciate each and every one of you!



Anonymous said...

I am so glad you were able to get some relief and were able to complete your day of radiation. 3 more to go!!! Can you see the finish line? It is right around the corner! I am praying that you can ease to the finish line with no complications/nausea and then it is time to heal and get back to your life as friend, wife, mother. I am proud of you! Much love, Ruth L.

Connie said...

What a marvelous idea your sister had! Even something as small as a caterpillar can help you by giving you something to look forward to.
Most of us take so MUCH for granted. This is a great lesson. Thanks, Sue, for sharing that. I'll take it to heart.
Just think: a week from today you'll have said "Goodbye!" to radiation. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" This is one of my favorite verses Sue especially when I am facing some kind of challenge or uphill battle. He will give you the strength to get through this last week. You can do it - you are almost there! Thank God His mercies are new every morning. He will give you what you need to get through each and every day. Sending you a big hug today! Love ya, Michelle A.

Anonymous said...

When we came home this weekend, we had two Monarch Butterflies waiting for us. We had watched them transform from caterpillar to butterfly. It's truly an amazing process that I love to watch each summer. I thought of you as we set our butterflies free. Very soon you will be setting yours free as you look forward to many more summers of finding caterpillars! Just three more days! You can do it!

Michelle E.

Anonymous said...

Good luck today on your last day of chemo. We all pray that come October you will be pronounced cancer free. You have been such an inspiration to all of us and we are all in your corner cheering you on. Three more days Sue and then you can rest and let your body heal.

Susan T.

Anonymous said...


Every victory we win over the flesh and the devil will soon be followed by an even greater temptation and attack. Satan simply will not give up in his war against us. If we defeat him once, he’ll redouble his forces and come right back at us. And suddenly we’re in a spiritual war we thought we’d already won.

Scripture tells us, “The Syrians set themselves in array against David, and fought with him” (2 Samuel 10:17). Suddenly, David was facing the same old enemy—one he thought he had defeated soundly. It is important to note that David was not living in sin at this time. He was a godly man who walked in the fear of the Lord. Yet David was also human—and he must have been awfully confused about what was happening. Why would God allow this enemy to come against him again?

Have you stood in David’s shoes? Have you prayed, “Lord, all I want is to please you—to obey your Word and do what is right. You know that I fast, pray and love your Word. I don’t ever want to grieve you. So why am I being tempted so severely? Why am I facing this same battle with an old enemy?”

“And as since the time that I commanded judges to be over my people Israel, and have caused thee to rest from all thine enemies. Also the Lord telleth thee that he will make thee an house. And when thy days be fulfilled, and thou shalt sleep with thy fathers, I will set up thy seed after thee, which shall proceed out of thy bowels, and I will establish his kingdom” (2 Samuel 7: 11-12).

In the midst of his confusion and soul-searching, David remembered the promise God had made with him. So while the devil was throwing every weapon in hell at David, the Lord was showing him that even before he entered battle he would emerge a victor. David got his eyes off the oncoming enemy. Instead he basked in the revelation of God’s lovingkindness. This is what God intends for every one of his children when the enemy comes on them like a flood. The Lord “prevents” them with his love. In other words, he comes to them saying, “I promise you are going to come out of this standing. You may be wounded—but that doesn’t matter. I have already made you victorious.”

Anonymous said...

Hello my friend!

I do believe we have a "re-birthday" approaching... I can't wait to celebrate with you!

Much Love, Jami :)

Anonymous said...

Sue, Glad to hear something could make you smile! Know that we are still following along and sending prayers your way! Every night as we lay Carson and Piper down to sleep we say prayers with them. Every night for the past few months we have included a special prayer for you and Jason and your family and then comes all of our "Amen." Finally the other night, Carson(3) looked up at me so seriously and said, "Mommy who is Jason & Sue Karrmann?" Greg and I explained to him who you both were and a lil of what you are going through. It brought tears to my eyes when I thought of how hard it was to explain in simple terms what was happening to you. He then asked what your lil girls' names were. And now we pray for Sue and Jason and Mackenzie and Kendall Karrmann. It touched my heart that he understood and actually listened to what we pray for! May God continue to send you strength and encouragement and the same to Jason and the girls! God bless you! Cyndy & Greg Jones