It is Fall and I will enjoy it!

I think one of the hardest things I have found while fighting cancer is finding a balance between enjoying life and taking time to heal. When diagnosed with cancer, you want to seize the moment and take advantage of every opportunity you have to spend time with your loved ones. Although my prognosis is good, I still have that feeling that these days could be my last days and I don't want to miss out on any opportunities I have to play with the girls, be in love with my husband and tell my family how much I appreciate them. At the same time, I am exhausted. All I want to do is spend time in my bed resting, trying to heal. The doctors and other cancer patients told me to sleep when I feel like sleeping and to take advantage of the time I do have to lay in bed and allow my body to heal. So I do this with reluctance...because what if I am missing out on valuable time I have if these days are my last days? I don't want to be wondering what if and regretting any decisions I make. Because every decision I do make nowadays seems to be more important than ever.

This week has been a good week. I did get out of bed more often to join the activities going on downstairs. I attempted to go for several walks. Things are getting better. The sores in my mouth are starting to go away. I am able to eat more of a variety of food. I am able to drink pop again and loving it! I think I have overdosed on Diet Dr. Pepper. I need my appetite to come back so that I actually want to eat now. Unfortunately, when one thing gets better, another problem arises. I now am developing lymphodema in my face and neck. The radiation kills a lot of the lymph nodes in the face causing the nodes to collect fluid. I now have to go to therapy to learn to massage the fluid out of the nodes and into the working nodes. If nothing is done, it will not go away and it can get painful. So many things can happen as a result of radiation - it can do so much damage and so much good at the same time. The doctors are also making attempt #2 on weaning me off of the pain meds. They will do it much slower this time so that my body does not have the reaction it did last time. If I can get down on my pain meds, I will be more alert, have more energy and get my appetite back.

My biggest fear right now is being exposed to influenza and the swine flu. My family has been given the flu shot. Now we wait anxiously for the swine flu shot to become available. Both my daughter and I are consider high risk so as you can imagine I am paranoid. I am praying that our family and the school will be protected and that that the swine flu will just stay away. I am scared to venture outside of the house, but I know I can't stay inside all fall. I will feel better once we get the shot knowing it will protect us.

I pray that all of you will enjoy the beautiful fall colors that are starting to show on the trees. I am so excited for this time of year. It is my favorite and I am looking forward to enjoying this season as much as I can. I will not stay in bed and let this season pass me by.