Thursday, April 23, 2009

Happy Birthday - well kind of

Today I am 38 years old.  I never thought I would be spending my birthday in the hospital getting chemotherapy.  It will definitely be a birthday I will never forget...and I vow next year I will make it even more memorable by celebrating being in remission. 

Today, I started out feeling very lonely and I was not feeling well.  The nurse last night forgot to give me an anti-nausea medication so I was sitting with a bucket in hand prepared for the worst.  Luckily, my nurse Chris, whom I have had since checking in got me what I needed and I have been feeling much better since.  I also spent a little time in God's word and a devotional book that my friend Tracy gave me.  I read a great passage in John 6:27-29.  The passage said, "What are we to do to carry out what god requires?  Jesus replied, This is the work that God asks of you; that you believe in the One Whom He has sent that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in his Messenger".   There have many times that I have struggled with my belief in God.  I get too focused on doing good rather than having faith...believing that God is real, especially when times get rough.  My first reaction when faced with troubles is to ask God what I did wrong.  To ask why me?   Rather, I should immediately have faith, cleave to, trust and rely on God just as the passage said to do so.  And this is the very reason why I think God puts things in our lives, like cancer, to teach us to cling immediately to our faith and to learn about God and his love for us. If you really think about it, if God did not exist, where would anyone find the hope and peace so much needed while going through a life threatening illness?  Where else do you get the hope and strength you need to get through it all?  There is no other source that I know of that has the power to heal me.  So I am choosing to believe in God, the healer.   After receiving this gentle nudge from God, I started to feel hope again.  And everything else seemed to follow in line.

I have been able to keep food down and managed to be able to eat a birthday cupcake.  I had visitors today including my mom, dad and sister and now I am anxiously waiting for Jason to arrive.  Visitors definitely cheer up my day and their presence help me to get through it all.  I was also so fortunately to receive some flowers and cards from family and friends.  They are now aligning my windowsill overlooking the Mississippi.

This morning, my Oncologist stopped by and tried to encourage me to go home and finish up my chemotherapy there.  At first I was hesitant and unwilling to leave.  There is just something comforting about being among doctors and nurses that can address your every need and be there immediately when you need help.  I was afraid that being at home would cause more anxiety.  But after listening to her reasoning, it made more and more sense.  She said that the nausea is under control and at home we will able to better manage the anti-nausea medication when needed rather than wait for a nurse to get it.  She also said that my blood count will be dropping dramatically in the next couple of days and it would be more safe for me to be at home when this happens.  I would not be exposed to all of the germs in the hospital.  The chemotherapy I am getting now is easy to dispense at home with the help of home medical care.  Nothing that we aren't too familiar with after Mackenzie's health care.  So it looks like as of now, I will be heading home tomorrow.  And it couldn't be better timing since I now have another new roommate.    

Thank you for all of the birthday wishes and words of encouragement.  It brightened my day, more than you will know.  I will definitely continue to keep you updated!


Anonymous said...

"God Bless you and keep you,
God smile on you and gift you,
God look you full in the face,
and make you prosper."

Birthday Blessings, a praying friend

Numbers 6:24-26 The Message

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Sue! Your faith has strengthened my faith, so thank you!
~Cousin Steven

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Sue! What a great gift to get to come home soon and be near Jason and the girls. Their smiling faces and hugs will give you strength and comfort as you fight this!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Sue! I'm so excited that you can come home! I wanted to come and see you, but Henry has a little cold, and I know that we want you to stay the course in being a strong and healthy wonder-woman to fight the fight. You are doing such a great job! You will have soooo many more birthdays to celebrate. Call me if you need anything when you get home! Joan

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Sue! Though it's definitely not the ideal birthday, I'm glad to hear you've been able to enjoy some visitors today and even a little cupcake! Psalm 139 comes to mind as I think of you on your birthday and celebrate the blessing you have been in my life.
Psalm 139:13-18
For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake,I am still with you."

I'm so happy you'll get to be home tomorrow! Love and prayers to you and your family,

Anonymous said...

Birthday wishes abound for you. I am so glad that you get to come home to your family. Thank you for honest and beautiful postings. You can do this!! Much love, Toni

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Sue! We are thinking and praying for you and the family! - kjersten

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Sue! I hope Jason was able to deliver my card and gift to you. :) I am so glad you get to come home. I want to come see you when you are up for company!:) After reading your blog from yesterday, I just wanted to keep encouraging you not to give in to Satan's doubts and fears. He is too good at letting doubts creep into our minds. When you feel that coming on, read your bible or your devotional, and God's word will keep you going and stop those panic attacks in their tracks!! Or call a friend as we are all here to encourage and love you the best way we can! Sweet dreams birthday girl! Sending you lots of hugs and love, Michelle A.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday to you -- it is hard to feel right wishing you a "happy" birthday knowing how you are spending it, and yet you seem to be handling it so well. And getting to go home sounds like it will be a blessing, too. We keep praying for you -- There have been times when I have been discouraged about my prayers when I read about how Paul would pray constantly for people in cities where he started churches, but I am understanding better how you can be praying constantly as you go through the day. Thoughts of you come to mind, and we pray for your healing and strength, and some of that peace of God that passes all understanding to counteract your panic attacks. Anyway, God's peace is our birthday wish for you this year -- love, Art and Kris

Susan said...

You will be able to get your mind off the cancer being home and around your kids. They will bring encouragement just being there. And your hubby too. Keep clinging to the Word. Let's pray today that your side affects are a minimum.

donna said...

Hi Sue:
Just wanted to tell you how blessed I was to read the 21 things you're learning (April 30.) They spoke to me; a great reminder for all of us in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. God is using you through this beautiful site. Thank you for your faithfulness in keeping us up to date. It's a privilege to be on your prayer team, trusting God together to meet your every need. (Phil. 4:19) You are loved, Donna L.