Today, I started out feeling very lonely and I was not feeling well. The nurse last night forgot to give me an anti-nausea medication so I was sitting with a bucket in hand prepared for the worst. Luckily, my nurse Chris, whom I have had since checking in got me what I needed and I have been feeling much better since. I also spent a little time in God's word and a devotional book that my friend Tracy gave me. I read a great passage in John 6:27-29. The passage said, "What are we to do to carry out what god requires? Jesus replied, This is the work that God asks of you; that you believe in the One Whom He has sent that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in his Messenger". There have many times that I have struggled with my belief in God. I get too focused on doing good rather than having faith...believing that God is real, especially when times get rough. My first reaction when faced with troubles is to ask God what I did wrong. To ask why me? Rather, I should immediately have faith, cleave to, trust and rely on God just as the passage said to do so. And this is the very reason why I think God puts things in our lives, like cancer, to teach us to cling immediately to our faith and to learn about God and his love for us. If you really think about it, if God did not exist, where would anyone find the hope and peace so much needed while going through a life threatening illness? Where else do you get the hope and strength you need to get through it all? There is no other source that I know of that has the power to heal me. So I am choosing to believe in God, the healer. After receiving this gentle nudge from God, I started to feel hope again. And everything else seemed to follow in line.
I have been able to keep food down and managed to be able to eat a birthday cupcake. I had visitors today including my mom, dad and sister and now I am anxiously waiting for Jason to arrive. Visitors definitely cheer up my day and their presence help me to get through it all. I was also so fortunately to receive some flowers and cards from family and friends. They are now aligning my windowsill overlooking the Mississippi.
This morning, my Oncologist stopped by and tried to encourage me to go home and finish up my chemotherapy there. At first I was hesitant and unwilling to leave. There is just something comforting about being among doctors and nurses that can address your every need and be there immediately when you need help. I was afraid that being at home would cause more anxiety. But after listening to her reasoning, it made more and more sense. She said that the nausea is under control and at home we will able to better manage the anti-nausea medication when needed rather than wait for a nurse to get it. She also said that my blood count will be dropping dramatically in the next couple of days and it would be more safe for me to be at home when this happens. I would not be exposed to all of the germs in the hospital. The chemotherapy I am getting now is easy to dispense at home with the help of home medical care. Nothing that we aren't too familiar with after Mackenzie's health care. So it looks like as of now, I will be heading home tomorrow. And it couldn't be better timing since I now have another new roommate.
Thank you for all of the birthday wishes and words of encouragement. It brightened my day, more than you will know. I will definitely continue to keep you updated!