Last night, I had the PET scan. This is a test where they inject you with a radioactive glucose that attaches itself to any cancer cell in the body. I was quite alarmed when the tech brought out metal canisters obviously used to contain the radiation. Inside the canister was the glucose. I think I may glow in the dark by the time this is all over. Once the glucose was injected, I was told to go and sit for one hour. I was not allowed to talk, read or do anything because any use of my brain or body would burn up the glucose. I then proceeded to have an anxiety attack which I am sure burned quite a bit of the glucose. So I am not sure if telling me to not read or talk was the best way to keep me calm. It might have kept my mind off of things. After the hour was over, I was then placed inside a large machine similar to an MRI or CT Scan to take pictures of the entire body. Luckily, Jason was able to sit at my head for the first half of the test which helped to calm my nerves. The area you are placed in is very confined so it is hard to relax and keep from becoming claustrophobic.
The purpose of the PET scan enables doctors to see exactly where the tumor is and whether or not the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes or other parts of the body. We were told that the results would be given at my appointment with the Oncologist the next morning. Needless to say, I did not get much sleep last night as I had much anxiety about whether or not the cancer had spread. I felt this was the pivotal point that would determine whether or not I had a chance to beat this thing.
So this morning, back to the hospital we went to meet with the Oncologist that will be administering the chemo therapy. When I first met with her, I was a bit nervous with her demeanor. But after the elephant in the room was acknowledged - THE CANCER HAS NOT SPREAD - everyone seemed to calm down and relax. THANK YOU GOD! I was so relieved and now have so much hope! The cancer has entered into the orbit of my eye, so more than likely we will start with chemo therapy to reduce the tumor. Although, we still need to wait until the team of doctors meet on Friday. The Oncologist reviewed the types of chemo that will be administered and all of the side effects. It is going to be intensive and aggressive. Yes, it is not going to pretty, nor will I be. Yet, I felt an unbelievable calmness and immediately said, "Let's get the ball rolling. When can we start?" I am ready to face it and beat it. So she said that once we can get an IV port inserted, the chemo can begin. It will be administered in the hospital. Our hope is that it will begin next week. Not the birthday present I was hoping for, but who cares...I can celebrate the next 50 birthdays.
While this experience has been awful and so emotional, I am already beginning to see why this has happening. I am for once in my life, truly feeling the power God. He is with me every step of the way. I have felt the impact of all of your prayers! Believe me, they are working! I received two prayer shawls from two churches, neither of which we attend. I have one on me most of the time I am at home. And the girls have taken to the other shawl. Especially, Kendall. They seem to really appreciate what it represents and it seems to give them comfort during this time. Kendall has been having such a hard time watching mommy be so emotional and tired. I am worried for her as I know things will get much worse. But she is enjoying the time she is getting with her grandparents. And she jumps in bed with me for cuddle time as much as she can. Mackenzie, on the other hand, is my rock and inspiration. She continues to be the happy little girl she is and doesn't forget to remind me that God is listening. I think of everything she has gone through and continues to go through and it gives me hope that I can do it too! I had a great conversation with my Dad the other day. He has been a source of strength and comfort during this time. He considers going through cancer a privilege because he knows first hand what an amazing experience it is to feel God's presence during what is the most difficult time of your life. It is something that no one will ever know and understand unless they are a cancer survivor or a survivor of a life threatening illness. I am only beginning to understand what he was talking about. And I know in my heart, my faith will be unbreakable after this is all over.
Jason also has been so amazing throughout this experience. Our marriage and love for each other has never been stronger. I am so thankful to have him by my side each step of the way. I have never felt so loved by so many people. It is so wonderful to hear from people not only from my everyday life, but from life long ago.
As soon as we hear from the doctors on Friday, I will let you know what will be happening. Thank you again for all of your prayers! Please keep them coming!