Saturday, April 11, 2009

Only The Beginning

I have started this blog to share with my dear friends and family the journey I am about face.  I think this will be the best way to keep everyone updated.  

Little did I know that I would be diagnosed with cancer when I went to the ENT last week.  I was just seeking some relief for the the chronic sinus congestion and allergies I have had for quite sometime.  After a CT Scan, MRI and surgery I was diagnosed with cancer in my right sinus cavity.  It was so difficult to hear the doctor say "You Have Cancer."   What?  This can't be!  Why God why?  Haven't we been through enough in our lives?   It has been a struggle to make sense of all of this.  And I am still processing it all.  I go through moments of freaking out, worried that God will take me away from my kids and my husband leaving them with no mother or wife.  This has been so hard on Jason.  I have never seen him so emotional.  The girls aren't quite understanding what is going on, but I anticipate reality setting in when they see what may happen.  We are now waiting, and it has been a LONG wait, for the next step.  We will be meeting with some specialists at the University to determine the best way to beat this thing.  It might involve extensive surgery removing the cancer which is in the bones of the sinuses.  A prosthesis will be needed to repair the structure of my face.  And depending on whether or not the cancer has spread there will be radiation treatments or chemo.  We will know more next week.  I am trying to mentally prepare myself for what I will be learning next week.  My only hope is that it will be done quickly.  I am so tired of waiting.  The good news that we are holding onto is that the type of cancer I have tends to stay local and does not spread.  Although, this has been growing for quite some time so who knows what the outcome will be.  I do know that the MRI report said my brain is normal and it doesn't show any signs of cancer.   I just hope and pray that it has stayed put.

We have been so blessed by so many wonderful friends and family members that are already praying for healing and that are offering support in many ways.  Thank you!  The biggest support has been my Dad.  He went through cancer 20 years ago so it has been wonderful to get his perspective on all of this.  

While I am still trying to find a reason for all of this...I know one thing...God is making me face three of my biggest fears:  1) dying 2) cancer 3) leaving my kids motherless.  And I know that through all of this, I will learn what it means to be held, and to be loved.  Thus the reason for the name of my blog site and the music you are listening to. 

Please pray for healing!  Pray for wisdom for the doctors and pray for strength for both me and Jason.  


Anonymous said...

Hey, Sue. I am praying for you. -Katie

Anonymous said...

hey baby, im so so sorry sue. we are here for you and your family ANYTIME! you are in my thoughtsand prayers always. love u, miss u, call me anytime if u need anything at all. love, lizzy

mimi charmante said...

Thinking of you my friend~

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing this Sue...In my prayers and thoughts...Kim

Anonymous said...

Sue - I can't imagine what you are going through right now, but I'm absolutely positive you will pull through this as a stronger person (not that you needed to!). We are praying for you and your family, and please let me know if you need anything at all. ~ Tina

Anonymous said...

Sue, i hope you got my message the other day. just want you to know that you are daily in my prayers and thoughts and i've added you to all the prayer chains I know. I know i'm far away, but i'm here for you if you need to talk or if there's anything else i can do for you! i love you and am praying for you! Lauri

welters said...

Sue - I am so sorry that you are having to go through this and yet again, another trial. Let us know if we can do anything along the way and we will pray for the best possible outcome! I can only imagine your fears as mine would be similar. Keep the faith, I know you are STRONG! - kjersten

Anna said...

Please know I will be lifting you up to our Lord and Savior in pray and this blog will help me to know how to pray specifically.

In Christ

Anonymous said... must be as tough as nails because you have been tested again and again. My husband and I are praying for you and my children are praying for you as you go through this journey...jen fortner

Jennifer (Conway) Gouette said...

Sue, thank you for sharing your story and keeping us in the loop. Just know that you have the entire Conway clan thinking of you and your family and we'll pray for healing and doctor's wisdom!

Heather said...

Sue - my prayers are with you - remember how powerful prayer can be. If you get a moment - listen to Joel's message from Holy Thursday - it speaks so much to us all and I think it may give you some strength in knowing the Jesus is with you in your brokenness. Please know I am here and desire to help you in any way that I can.
Love Heather PS - you are on William's prayer list - remember how valuable the prayers of children are!

Lynn(Conway) & Sue Pelto said...

Your story brought tears to our eyes,and touched our heart. Hard to understand why God allows hardships and suffering in our lives,.. I have to say, your attitude is unbelievable God will use your story to change the lives of other's! Know that we will be praying for healing and strength for you and whole family.

Anonymous said...

God keep you and bless you and your family, Sue. We are all your biggest cheerleaders, listeners, friends and shoulders--to cry on and lift you up. Joan

Anonymous said...

I will keep you in my thoughts and pray for your healing. God bless you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Sue, We will be praying for you. Let us know if there is anything we can do. Prayer is a powerful thing, and your angels are watching over you.
Heather H.

Anonymous said...

Sue, I am shocked to hear of your diagnosis. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I can take the girls out and about to take their minds off of things and give you and Jason a little break. Please call me with anything you may need no matter what time of day/night or what you need. All my love. Ruth L.

Susan said...

Oh Sue, I am so sad to hear this. Of course you are in our prayers and thoughts and please let us know if there is anything we can do for you, as friends and as neighbors. I know we all want to help in any way we can, please just ask!

Keep us posted and you have our love and support.

Susan T.

Anonymous said...

Sue B:

I remember seeing Mackenzie in the hospital just days after she was born and thinking to myself "she's going to make it; I just know it." As we left the hospital and walked to the parking lot, the three of us visiting you that day concurred that if Mackenzie was "anything like Sue" she was sure to pull through and go on to lead a happy life. We said that because of what we knew about you: your strength, your perseverance, your stubbornness, your tenacity, your determination, your sheer will. I never in a million years thought that you could be facing a similar, unthinkable journey of your own just years later. As horrifying and devastating as this must be to you and your family, I'm sitting here again saying to myself "she's going to make it; I just know it." Sue, even though we don't see each other often I owe you for much of my happiness (introducing me to my husband). For that, you will always hold a special place in my heart, and I want you to know that we are praying for you and following you on this journey. May you find strength in small victories each day and in the countless prayers being said on your behalf. As you said yesterday, THERE IS HOPE. Don't ever forget that and don't ever give up. Be well, my friend.

Gwen Maass

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,
Michelle shared this site with me. I wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your family. If you have the time read these scripture passages and may God's word fill you with peace and hope. In Hebrews 6:18-19 - Beth Moore shared God is our anchor for our tossed and tumbled souls. We are stable and secure in Him. We are tied to the throne of Grace. God is not having a bad day or an emotional collapse. He is steadfast. He is our hope in our time of need. Also-Deut. 31:8 and Joshua 1:9. Praying for God's healing hand to be upon you and strength and courage to endure. May you and your family feel the arms of Jesus wrapped around you in the coming days of chemo. Trust in God- don't give into fear, but instead smile at the future knowing that God has you in the palm of His hand. He is sovereign over all things and He is bigger than any obstacle you will face. You are already being used by God and are an inspiration to all who know you. Keep pressing on, keep believing and hoping in the Lord. The joy of the Lord is your strength!

Love and prayers,

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue, We are friends of your Mom and Dad's.
Praying for you during this time will be our promise to you. We are so sorry you must go through this hard time. Lots of people love you and their prayers will carry you. We want the best outcome for you in all of this.
Hope in God.
Gene and Karen Sprinkel

Anonymous said...

Thought about you a lot today. Hope the beginning went well!

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue! I finally figured instead of calling you at home like I have been, I better start posting cause this might be easier for you. Talked to your dad yesterday. We prayed for you again at bible study this morning too! You are being lifted up my sweet sister in Christ! Feel his loving arms around you! I am so praying for God's strength to engulf you and endure the chemo! Love ya, Michelle

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,
You are not alone and this time of difficulty is not being wasted by God, He is using it - allow Him to reveal it to you - allow Him to show you His power. On Sunday this quote was shared- God says... "follow me beyond what you can control and you will experience my power."
Beth Moore shared "God often requires us to leave our comfort zone to answer a calling or to deeply know Him. No amount of comfort is worth missing the greatest adventure humankind can experience. God's supernatural provision for humanity is most recognizable when we find ourselves in a wilderness devoid of self-sufficiency . Our own insecurities are only invitations to experience the supernatural sufficiency of a universally powerful, personally responsible God!"
Rest in His sufficiency and experience His greatness! He has not forgotten you! Rejoice! You are the daughter of the King! To Him be the glory!