Little did I know that I would be diagnosed with cancer when I went to the ENT last week. I was just seeking some relief for the the chronic sinus congestion and allergies I have had for quite sometime. After a CT Scan, MRI and surgery I was diagnosed with cancer in my right sinus cavity. It was so difficult to hear the doctor say "You Have Cancer." What? This can't be! Why God why? Haven't we been through enough in our lives? It has been a struggle to make sense of all of this. And I am still processing it all. I go through moments of freaking out, worried that God will take me away from my kids and my husband leaving them with no mother or wife. This has been so hard on Jason. I have never seen him so emotional. The girls aren't quite understanding what is going on, but I anticipate reality setting in when they see what may happen. We are now waiting, and it has been a LONG wait, for the next step. We will be meeting with some specialists at the University to determine the best way to beat this thing. It might involve extensive surgery removing the cancer which is in the bones of the sinuses. A prosthesis will be needed to repair the structure of my face. And depending on whether or not the cancer has spread there will be radiation treatments or chemo. We will know more next week. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for what I will be learning next week. My only hope is that it will be done quickly. I am so tired of waiting. The good news that we are holding onto is that the type of cancer I have tends to stay local and does not spread. Although, this has been growing for quite some time so who knows what the outcome will be. I do know that the MRI report said my brain is normal and it doesn't show any signs of cancer. I just hope and pray that it has stayed put.
We have been so blessed by so many wonderful friends and family members that are already praying for healing and that are offering support in many ways. Thank you! The biggest support has been my Dad. He went through cancer 20 years ago so it has been wonderful to get his perspective on all of this.
While I am still trying to find a reason for all of this...I know one thing...God is making me face three of my biggest fears: 1) dying 2) cancer 3) leaving my kids motherless. And I know that through all of this, I will learn what it means to be held, and to be loved. Thus the reason for the name of my blog site and the music you are listening to.
Please pray for healing! Pray for wisdom for the doctors and pray for strength for both me and Jason.