Saturday, May 16, 2009

Please God...

These past couple of days have been rough...back into pit of nausea and heartburn.  My energy level is also a lot lower this time around.  Worries of blood clots overwhelm me.  One more day of chemo...

It's days like these that it is hard to keep positive and looking up.  The road seems never ending. It would be nice to have an end in sight...a definitive plan of what is going to happen next. Unfortunately, the doctors cannot give me one.  It is literally one step at a time.  A wait and see situation.  

I just want to feel normal again. Feel like my old self, feel like a human being.  This cancer has robbed me of my dignity, happiness and my femininity.  It is hard for me right now for me to see the good in all of this.  

I pray that God will give me some encouragement today.  I pray that this chemo will do its job...get rid of the cancer.  Get it out of the orbit of my eye...AND NEVER COME BACK!  

"Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails.  Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit.  Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.  Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you.  Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.  For your name's sake, O Lord, PRESERVE MY LIFE; in your righteousness, bring me out of my trouble.  Psalm 143:7-11


Anonymous said...

Sue, You don't know me. A friend of mine gave me your blog link to encourage me and that is exactly what it did. I just spent the last hour reading through your blogs. Thank you so much for sharing your story! God has used you to soften my heart this morning. What a beautiful child of God you are! Oh, Sue, that God will pour out an extra helping of His Spirit on you and your family today. That you will see what a treasure you are. Your life is hidden with Christ in God. Keep your mind in the Spirit's control and set on things above. Much love to you sweet child of God.

Sisters in Christ,

Anonymous said...

I pray that you will be encouraged today. You are a beautiful woman in Christ! The Lord is with you, knows your needs and will sustain you as you walk this road. You will overcome this cancer and be healthy once again! I love you.
Maryann Raese

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue -

Sounds like you are mad right now. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hear you...loud and clear. And very valid, I might add.

However, keep reminding yourself it is not God that puts these thoughts into your head. The evil one thrives on fear, insecurities, anger...and will exploit it until he has won. No way, sister! Never.

Ecclesiastes 3 reads, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: ...a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..."

You will dance again, my friend. Like you have never danced before...

Jami Helvick

linda.samelson said...

Sue, I am touched by your words. I pray for your comfort and recovery. I am related to you thru your mom. I am Ruth Penner's daughter, living in colorado springs. An encouraging verse to me lately is Isaiah 30:21 which says "If you leave God's paths and go astray, you will hear a voice behind you saying 'No, this is the way; walk here.'" That chapter of Isaiah has other comforting passages you may like to review. Blessings to you, Linda Samelson

Anonymous said...

I love you song choice today. May the words of this song come true for you today. I will pray that you can rest in His holiness and that He will pour down like rain on you and wash your eyes to see Him. Just sit with him and be in his presence.


Anonymous said...

Dearest Sue,

You are cherished by your family, friends, and most of all. . . God. I actually looked up the dictionary definition of dignity: "the quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed." Although you may feel robbed of dignity, it's actually the one thing that cancer CAN'T take from you. Because you are a precious, honored, esteemed child of God who will never be forgotten or forsaken! Nothing can change that!

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation [cancer included], will be able to separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38

We love you! Things will turn around for you soon, Sue. Hang in there!



Anonymous said...

Oh Sue! I wish I was there with you right now to just give you the biggest hug! Hang in there my friend!! Don't let satan get a foothold with those doubts. God is faithful; He is right there with you. Cry out to Him. He will hold you and sustain you. We love you!

Michelle A.

Connie said...

The bar has been raised higher than you ever thought possible. As you know, it's not the good times that test our faith; it's the bad times.
The bar has been raised. Don't let your faith falter now!
All blessings,

connie stephens

Anonymous said...


You are such a strong, beautiful, faithful person. God is with you on this journey, don't ever forget that!! Keep strong.

Many blessings coming your way today and every day!

Kathy Cowan

Anonymous said...

I cannot begin to tell you all I am thinking. I remember how much you taught me about the power of prayer as we gathered in the conference rooms as little Mac would undergo countless operations. When others said she wasn't going to make it, God provided. He healed. His power is incredible, you know that. I know sometimes it doesn't make sense, this time I have to admit, I have no idea what sense this makes. But you are right, when you turn things over to God, he will take care. I pray He heals you, removes your pain, I pray HE watches over your beautiful family, I pray He gives you strength for the next treatment, for the next day, I pray for comfort for you.
Sue, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care. Love - Deb Martinson

Anonymous said...

Dear Sue,
I can not go through one day without thinking about you. I pray for you every day. You are on the prayer list of my class and at the end of every day my teacher Mrs. Richardson makes a new prayer list. I've put you on it so many times all I have to say is: "Sue," and she knows exactly what to write down. When I read your blog it reminded me of when I get afraid that God isn't listening. Mom and Dad have always showed me a verse. Here it is:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them (or your cancer), for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."

Never give up hope because the Lord God is stronger than anything. He has HIs hand over you and will protect you always. Don't be afraid or scared, for God is there everywhere you go and will never leave you. He will take care of you. Through all of your pain, He is there. Through all of you worries, He is there. Through everything, He is there. I always pray that you will have peace and will be okay. I pray that He will give you strength. Never give up hope, for the Lord is there.

Your cousin,

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue and Jason!
We are friends of Jason from high school, and heard of the battle you are enduring at this time. We pray for you and your family. We found much inspiration from your blog. Your words make us realize how precious every day is and how we cannot take one moment for granted. Your family is beautiful! I am sure Jason can make you laugh over some of the crazy stories from high school! :)
We pray for you and look forward to your next words of wisdom. They are wonderful!
Nicole (Pothour) Etringer
Denise (Caldwell Roddick

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue:

Your posts are so deeply intimate and inspirational. You are handling this with grace even in the moments of doubt.

I watch Or listen) to Good Morning America and find that Robin Roberts' morning prayer says it all:

"The Power of Protection"
by James Dillet Freeman

The Light of God surrounds me. The Love of God enfolds me. The Power of God protects me. The Presence of God watches over me. Wherever I am, God is.

Have a good Tuesday.

God love you and protect you!

xo Katie May

Anonymous said...

A song for you, Sue:

All who are thirsty, all who are weak,
Come to the fountain, dip your heart in the stream of life. Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away; in the waves of His mercy as deep cries out to deep.

We sing, Come, Lord Jesus, come.
Come, Lord Jesus, come.

Going to the waters with you,